The Boy is Coming!!!

The Boy is coming to spend the holidays with me and my family. I miss him like crazy and I can't wait for him to be here!!!

"While You're Under My Roof..."

I am blessed to have supportive, loving, involved parents. Their generosity astounds me, especially during this current phase of my life. However, after more than five years of independence, I find myself in that most frustrating place- back living with my folks.

Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my parents and most of the time, I enjoy their company. But the last week or so, the honeymoon phase has definitely worn off. I find myself bickering with them over the silliest little things. Now I can see that really I am not upset with them at all; we just have different lifestyles and I have grown used to being on my own. None of my roommates cared if I stayed in my room all day, or ate dessert for lunch. They never asked me for a weekly schedule or got upset if I turned them down for dinner, so I could be alone.

It occurs to me that the biggest problem for us right now is the parent child relationship. I see myself as a guest in this house. I can take care of myself, and I don't expect them to cook for me, or set aside their schedule to accomodate my desire to do something. Instead of asking them to change things, I just figured I would be flexible and fit into their current lifestyle. But they see me as their child, which means their world revolves around me. They are constantly trying to find things to do with me to entertain me or make me happy. They constantly ask about my schedule to try and find time to fit these special adventures into my schedule, and they get frustrated when I answer truthfully with "I don't know." The constant questioning drives me nuts. I get frustrated when they keep buying more food than three people can possibly consume, and expect me to eat it all.

It isn't that I am unaware or ungrateful for all that my parents have offered me in this arrangement- At 23, I am totally dependant on my parents. I have no car, no income, school loans to pay off, and fighting off anemia, which has me feeling pretty fatigued most days. Add to this the moodiness that comes with PMS and missing the Boy, and I am not exactly a winning roommate. My parents let me live here rent free. They feed me, pay for my cell phone, let me use the car (don't worry, I do pay for my own gas), and often entertain me for free.

Basically, I need to just let my parents be parents, and stop expecting them to act like roommates. And I am not exactly sure why I didn't understand this to begin with.

Sick and Disappointed....

I've been moody all weekend and I know it is because of the Boy. He hasn't been feeling well- either he has acid reflux or the early stages of an ulcer. During our last phone date, which was cut short because he was tired, the Boy said that due to feeling poorly he doesn't think he will come for Christmas.

My emotional reaction is totally selfish. I do care that he isn't feeling well, but spending Christmas with him is all I've had to look forward for months. There aren't words to explain how disappointed I am.

Since we are planning to get married in June, this was the one opportunity for my family to spend time with him and get to know him. Everyone is looking forward to him coming- both sets of grandparents even changed their schedules so that they could be here during his visit. We have tons of wedding stuff to work out, vendor appointments and pictures planned.

I can't think about it anymore or I might cry. I am just praying that he starts to heal, for both our sakes. There is still a week left. A lot can change in a week... right?

The Disconnect

I've reached the low point again in my relationship- that point a few months after being apart where you start to feel disconnected and distant, and you start to question your relationship. We are both busy, him with work, me with preparing for the holidays. Busyness always means less time communicating, which can spell death for any long distance relationship.

There are so many decisions we have to make, so many details we need to discuss, and it is killing me that we can't just sit down and sort it all out. My sister gets to do all sorts of fun things with her man, and I miss having that with the Boy. What I wouldn't give to be able to finally share our lives together...

Long distance is just plain hard (as if any relationship needed more barriers). Despite all the phone calls and e-mails, it is incredibly hard to feel emotionally connected to someone who lives on the other side of the world... no matter how much you want to be with him. I've been with the Boy for almost two years now- most of that time was spent in different countries- and I know from experience that missing some one can make you a little crazy.

Thankfully, I also know that this low point is just phase- one we've been through many times. I'll feel lost and confused for a little bit until I am reminded of how absolutely worth it this relationship is. At the end of the day, no matter the frustration, distance or effort, there is no one else I would rather spend my life with. I am blessed.

Among Rocks and Thorns

“Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow. And it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it. Some fell on stony ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it withered away. And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop. But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred.” And He said to them, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”

-Mark 4:3-9

Since coming home, I am realizing more and more just how many of my friends have traded the truth of Christ for the lies of this world. Recently I visited a couple friends' churches, and both of my friends were so excited to take me to church with them. I was so discouraged after both of those services and it was easy to see how the lack of sound teaching had affected my friends' lives.

At one church, I was told there was no need to bring Bibles to service because the pastor gives topical sermons. (Since when did giving a topical sermon mean no biblical content?) My other friends' church was lively and upbeat. The atmosphere was very inviting and pretty much everyone in attendance was younger than 40. But when the sermon got started, something put me on guard. The sermon was taken from a passage of scripture in Matt. As the pastor expounded on the passage, I waited patiently for something... There was lots of Christian tag words, but only twice in his message did the pastor mention Jesus, and never did he explain who Jesus is or why we follow Him. He never even mentioned Jesus' death and resurrection!

These experiences made me question: How is it that my friends, who profess to believe in Christ, could end up in such empty churches? Then I realized it is easy, if you have grown up in church, to fill in the blanks yourself. If you aren't paying attention, you don't always notice that these things are missing, and slowly as you receive more and more empty teaching, these important truths become less significant to you. Have my friends, who seemed so on fire for God, become like the seed in the rocks and among thorns?

The state of the church saddens me. Christians are being led astray by charismatic leaders and false teachings. Social action has become more important than the Gospel, creativity more valued than truth, and the very meaning of love has been twisted. Churches are more concerned with being culturally relevant than being theologically or biblically sound. Rather than being a salt and light, christians are encouraged to blend into society, under the guise of tolerance. Instead of reading the Word of God, we read bestselling authors that appeal to our postmodern ideals. We keep the verses that make us feel good, and ignore or discount the ones that make us uncomfortable.

Real worship takes a back seat as churches promote social activities and charity. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with serving. In fact, the Bible makes it clear that we ought to be serving others. My problem is that instead of teaching people following Christ, churches are teaching people to be nice. We are quickly losing focus when we decide that Christianity is about 'doing the right thing', 'being fair', 'loving others'.

Christianity must be, first and foremost, about Christ. There is no good news without the Messiah, and there is no need for a messiah without the recognition of sin. Our culture may have changed, but the Gospel has not. The Bible is clear: Christ did not die to teach us how to be better people. Christ died to pay the price for our sins, and His resurrection shows that He has overcome death. In Christ we are free from sin, new creations. And yes, part of being a new creation means our lives will look different.

"Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve."

- 1Cor. 15:1-5

How important it is to be rooted in the Word of God, and filled with the Holy Spirit! Grant your people discernment, Lord.

Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone...

I know I complain way too much about missing the Boy, so I will try to keep this short.

One of the great things about being home is spending time with my sister, and her fiance. I see my sister's fiance all the time (Thank goodness I get along with him really well). It is so nice to see them together and to see how much they care for one another. I love seeing my sister so happy! But it is also a bit bittersweet for me.

Seeing them together, I can't help but miss the Boy. Long distance is hard. We miss out on all the everyday things; sharing meals, watching movies, going out on dates. Knowing that he is sick and in pain right now, while I am here completely useless, seems so unfair. I wish I could be there to take care of him. Especially as we look forward to marriage, it is difficult to be satisfied with a phonecall every once in a while. I want to be with him, to see him everyday, to share a life together. This stage of being apart may be coming to an end, but some days it feels like an eternity away.

I am so glad he is coming to spend Christmas with me! Only 17 more days!!

A man and his bed...

My fiance is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met and he has the PhD to prove it. I totally respect him, but every once in a while he reminds me that he is after all, just a man. The most recent of these moments is as follows:

On one of our phone dates, we were talking more seriously about our future life together, specifically our future home. I suggested we look at furniture when I visit in Jan. The Boy explained that we wouldn't need to because many apartments in Scotland come furnished, and, if we decided on one that wasn't, he is planning on taking the furniture in his room.

Me: So you want to keep all of your old furniture
Him: Yes.
Me: Okay, well what about a bed?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Even if the place comes with furniture, don't you think we should get our own bed?
Him: I already have a bed.
Me: Yeah, yeah.
Him: What? I've slept in my bed for years, it is a good bed.
Me: Yes, but you've slept in it alone. Where am I going to sleep?
Him: What do you mean? You'll sleep with me!
Me: Babe, you have a twin bed! Don't you think it would be good to get a bed that's bigger, for two people?

(I went on to explain that we were going to purchase a mattress that was big enough for us to both sleep on our backs at the same time- I am not about to spend the rest of my life trying to sleep in a crevice between the mattress and the wall.)

He seriously cracks me up. Life would be so dull without him.

Keep Your Eye on the Treadmill

Without a job, there is very little for me to do. For the first time in my life I have no obligations or responsibilities (though I could help out around the house more). Everyday I find myself searching for little projects to consume my time. Usually these projects consist of rearranging my room in some way, unfolding and refolding all my clothes, or cleaning out all the old products from under the bathroom sinks. Most recently I have given myself three projects- creating new Christmas stockings for myself and the Boy, cleaning the melted wax out of the 100 used candle holders my parent's bought for my sister's wedding, and revamping some of my old clothes.

While these projects are fun, they don't require that I leave the house. Staying at home all day leaves me feeling lazy. Since the Boy is 8 hours ahead, I often end up staying up until 2 or 3am to call him as he is starting his day. So in addition to feeling lazy, my sleep schedule is all messed up. Where I used to wake up at 6:30 am every day, I now wake up at 10am. Waking up so late just makes me feel even lazier. And feeling lazy inevitably makes me feel fat.

Today, I decided that I needed to get back onto a normal sleep schedule and to be more active. My father needed to leave the house early for a meeting, so I decided to take the opportunity to use the treadmill in my parent's room. I woke up early (7:30am, a normal time), and decided to jog to wake myself up. After dragging my weary self out of bed, I stretched and climbed on the treadmill. I started out with a brisk walk to warm up, then I punched up the speed and settled into a jog. The machine beeps to show your heart rate, and I found the beeping and whirring sounds quite soothing. As I settled into the pace, I must have relaxed a bit too much. I recall closing my eyes at one point, and the next thing I remember, I was on the floor.

Apparently you can fall asleep jogging, but you can't keep up the pace.

WARNING:
Do not close your eyes while treadmill is in use, especially when sleepy.

By the way, I ended up going back to bed, only this time with a fatty bruise on my hip. Maybe my sleep schedule isn't that bad...

Testing... 1...2...50?

A few weeks ago, I applied for a secretarial position. After they reviewed my application, I was invited to take a 2 hour test. Yes! (Apparently they screen very carefully for positions that requires high school diplomas, the ability to answer phones, and sort mail.) I can't imagine that I'll be offered the position, but I set up the appointment. I have nothing better to do. If nothing else I get the experience.

I assumed they would only bother testing a small number of candidates, but when I arrived, I was informed the testing needed to move rooms to accommodate all the testers. There were at least 10 women in my testing group, and there were 4 or 5 other testing groups! The proctor explained that testing was the first phase of eliminating candidates. They planned to interview all those with scores over 70%, and then go through a second interview process to pick their candidate. I was shocked that they would go through all this rigmarole- testing 50 candidates, interviewing, then interviewing again - it doesn't seem very efficient.

Being shocked probably just reveals more of my inexperience. I have to admit, applying for jobs has definitely shown me how naive I am about the world. The good news is, after this experience, I have gained a lot more insight into the hiring process.

Welcome to the real world!

Travel Plans

Now that the Boy is officially employed, we have begun negotiations to find a workable wedding date. In my experience planning a wedding is like practicing for diplomacy. There are so many things to consider: finances, traditions, his family, my family, his wishes, expectations, other people's weddings, etc... Instead of thinking of it as an obligation, I have decided to look at it as a problem-solving challenge. And I am determined to make it all work.

(Don't hold your breath.)

Much to my delight, the Boy suggested I fly back to Scotland with him in January. Now that I have booked my tickets (for not cheap but less than I was expecting), I can't wait. It will be great to have him here with my family for three weeks, but now I get to spend four more weeks with him! (Thank you, Elizabeth, for letting me invade your home once again- I can only hope that the improvement in your son's attitude while I am there is compensation enough.)

I will get to be with the Boy, even though he will have some work- I love that I'll be able to feed him and take care of him. Perhaps that sounds a little goofy, but I don't get to do those things for him very often, and I love it. My trip also means I will be able to spend time with his friends and family, which is especially handy now that we'll be living there.

Plus, we might be able to go apartment hunting! (Yes, I am way too excited about this possibility). I can't even explain how nice it would be to know what my future home will look like ahead of time.

News!

Praise the Lord! Finally, the wait is over! After months of waiting and uncertainty, the Boy has snagged an awesome job at a university in Glasgow. I am so proud of him, and so thankful that he is going to be able to keep doing what he loves. This job is perfect on so many levels:

1. The Pay- it is great! (We won't be scrapping for pennies, and we should be able to come visit the US every once in a while)

2. The Location- it means we can live in a city we are both familiar with, close to his family and friends. We can keep attending his church, and we can probably live without a car for a while.

3. The Job- it is a great position, that happens to be exactly what he wants to be doing. The Boy is thrilled about it, which is what matters most to me, and I can already tell they value him way more than where he is currently. Plus, he already knows some of the other faculty there, so he doesn't feel like the odd-man out.

4. The Timing- ask me more about this, but it is just so clearly an answer to prayer.

5. It means we can finally set a date to be married!!


There is, of course, one sad side to this. It means that we will officially be living in Scotland after we're married (something my family is a little disappointed to hear). I know it will be an adjustment, but the Lord will continue to provide. Plus, I love that I finally know our future location.

I am really excited at the thought of starting our life together. This last part is totally true, despite my response to the announcement. In my defense, I was sleeping when the Boy called, and I think, I thought I was dreaming or something. My brain couldn't comprehend the good news. It was only after the call, when I shared the news with others that the awesomeness of it hit me.

Emotional break downs

Lately things have been getting to me. This place of nothingness and waiting has turned me into an emotional wreck. It seems like I end up in tears at the drop of a hat. Most recently, I have been feeling like a burden (without a job all I do is take up space and demand attention). In my head, I know I will see the Boy in December, which is not too far off, but being apart is absolutely miserable. I have nothing to do all day, but think about him and miss him.

Maybe I am just hormonal, but I would certainly welcome my sanity back with open arms. The melodrama is getting a bit old.

I am so thankful the Boy is so understanding and patient, because I am sure I am not all that pleasant to talk to these days. No matter how down or pathetic I get, he listens and keeps reminding me to trust the Lord. He is really very sweet:

"You're not a lot of trouble. And even if you were, I wouldn't
care one hoot - and I would still be insanely in love with you."

If nothing else, my experience with this emotional drama, has made it clear exactly the sort of man I am going to marry- sweet, loving, patient, encouraging, the list goes on. I am very blessed to have found him, and I fully intend on keeping him. :-)

Bears and the inconvenience of hibernation...

The Boy has acquired some odd fascination with bears. He is coming to CA for the Holidays and, when I asked what he'd like to do, he insisted that he wants to see a live bear in the wild. I curse whoever put this idea in his head because I fear I'll never hear the end of it until I feed him to a bear. When I explained that bears hibernate in winter, he felt that was pretty inconvenient and suggested I simply wake them up. Alright, babe. I'll get right on that.

Now, I'm sure he just brings it up to annoy me. He finds it humorous to antagonize me and then he claims he is doing it out of love, to stimulate my mind (that is seriously a direct quote). Smart men are a pain in the rear. However, it is easy enough to ruin his little games if I simply agree with him or respond with questions:

The Boy- "Are we going to see a bear?"

Me- "What kind of bear do you want to see?"

This requires him to think to play along, and in the end he usually gets bored and changes the subject for me. He cracks me up.

I will end with Akin's assessment of the above:

A: Like a little kid- if you don't laugh at their fart jokes,

they get bored and decide to flush stuff down the toilet
instead.

Wedding Ideas

The idea of wedding planning does not make me giddy like most girls. When I think of wedding, I think lots of stress, lots of money, and lots of fuss. Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon about getting married, but the process of getting there may cause me to rip my hair out.

Thankfully I have a good friend who loves this kind of thing to get me through it. She has shown me that wedding planning can be enjoyable. Akin, I love you more each day!

Here are a couple things I like so far:











(This post was imported from another site and post-dated.)

Congrats Jess and Mark!!

Yay! My big sister got engaged last weekend, just after her birthday. I am so happy for her!

When I returned from DR, the difference in her was obvious. It is such a beautiful thing to see her happy, and she is happier than I have seen her in years. Her fiance is a great guy. The whole family loves him, and I love how supportive he is towards my sister. Plus, he is handy- my grandmother's biggest requirement, and a matter which she has questions about in regards to my choice of husband. I also love that he gives her a hard time every once is a while- some one has to! (Jess likes to joke that Mark and I are so similar, she feels like she is marrying her sister- I totally approve.)

It is sweet that I get to share the whole engagement period with her and that we both get to share the stress of wedding planning at the same time. I can't wait to give my toast at her wedding- I've been collecting material for years. hehe...

Summary of My Life

Since I've been all over from Scotland to Israel, I thought I would highlight the things people keep asking me about:

1. Engaged- My boyfriend of a year and half, asked me to marry him in July! We are hoping to get married within the year, but we are both unemployed and penniless. As soon as one of us finds a job, we will know which country we'll live in, and begin wedding planning.

2. Unemployed- I am currently jobless. I graduated from college in June '07, spent a year abroad, and now I am finally back in CA, searching for employment. I am also seriously considering going back to school to get a Master's, but that will have to wait until after I'm married and settled. Who knows where I will end up.

3. Living back with the folks- for the time being my parents are generous enough to let me live with them. It is good to be home and to spend time with my family, who I didn't see all year.

4. My days- are spent searching for jobs and filling out applications, e-mailing friends, and missing the Boy.

5. Waiting- There are lots of unanswered questions in life at the moment. I promise to fill you in as the answers become clearer.

It certainly is a journey.

Sparkly things!

The man in my life- The Boy. (I started referring to him as the Boy around the time I started liking him, and it stuck.) I am totally in love with the most amazing Scottish man. The long distance is killer, but after 18 months, we are still going strong.

On my way home from Israel, I stopped off in Scotland for a while, to visit the Boy, who I hadn't seen all year! I loved being there, relaxing, spending time together, meeting his family and friends.

The weather was amazing in Scotland the first weeks I was there- sunny and warm. One Saturday, he took me out to Stirlingshire to go hill-walking in one of his favorite places. We walked up this hill and stopped half-way up, where we had this beautiful view of the town below and the surrounding valley. Everything in this country is the most spectacular color of green, and there were lots of wild flowers (and pesky bugs). As we sat there enjoying the view and talking, the Boy asked me to marry him. For some reason, I then responded with what I felt was a reasonable question, "Are you really asking?" After he repeated the question, I said yes! He then pulled out a very pretty ring and put it on my finger. After all this, he looked at me and with a very concerned look said, "You're not smiling." What can I say? Sometimes I don't smile. Maybe I was distracted by the sparkly jewelry. :) This is all to say that I am engaged!!! Finally!!

Why Blog?

Welcome to my Blog!

After several failed blogging experiences, I am making one last fetal attempt at blog life. Should I manage to maintain the discipline of keeping it updated, I think this blog could help family and friends keep in touch with my life. (If I am honest, I would own that Akin is the only person who will probably read this.)