The Boy is Coming!!!

The Boy is coming to spend the holidays with me and my family. I miss him like crazy and I can't wait for him to be here!!!

"While You're Under My Roof..."

I am blessed to have supportive, loving, involved parents. Their generosity astounds me, especially during this current phase of my life. However, after more than five years of independence, I find myself in that most frustrating place- back living with my folks.

Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my parents and most of the time, I enjoy their company. But the last week or so, the honeymoon phase has definitely worn off. I find myself bickering with them over the silliest little things. Now I can see that really I am not upset with them at all; we just have different lifestyles and I have grown used to being on my own. None of my roommates cared if I stayed in my room all day, or ate dessert for lunch. They never asked me for a weekly schedule or got upset if I turned them down for dinner, so I could be alone.

It occurs to me that the biggest problem for us right now is the parent child relationship. I see myself as a guest in this house. I can take care of myself, and I don't expect them to cook for me, or set aside their schedule to accomodate my desire to do something. Instead of asking them to change things, I just figured I would be flexible and fit into their current lifestyle. But they see me as their child, which means their world revolves around me. They are constantly trying to find things to do with me to entertain me or make me happy. They constantly ask about my schedule to try and find time to fit these special adventures into my schedule, and they get frustrated when I answer truthfully with "I don't know." The constant questioning drives me nuts. I get frustrated when they keep buying more food than three people can possibly consume, and expect me to eat it all.

It isn't that I am unaware or ungrateful for all that my parents have offered me in this arrangement- At 23, I am totally dependant on my parents. I have no car, no income, school loans to pay off, and fighting off anemia, which has me feeling pretty fatigued most days. Add to this the moodiness that comes with PMS and missing the Boy, and I am not exactly a winning roommate. My parents let me live here rent free. They feed me, pay for my cell phone, let me use the car (don't worry, I do pay for my own gas), and often entertain me for free.

Basically, I need to just let my parents be parents, and stop expecting them to act like roommates. And I am not exactly sure why I didn't understand this to begin with.

Sick and Disappointed....

I've been moody all weekend and I know it is because of the Boy. He hasn't been feeling well- either he has acid reflux or the early stages of an ulcer. During our last phone date, which was cut short because he was tired, the Boy said that due to feeling poorly he doesn't think he will come for Christmas.

My emotional reaction is totally selfish. I do care that he isn't feeling well, but spending Christmas with him is all I've had to look forward for months. There aren't words to explain how disappointed I am.

Since we are planning to get married in June, this was the one opportunity for my family to spend time with him and get to know him. Everyone is looking forward to him coming- both sets of grandparents even changed their schedules so that they could be here during his visit. We have tons of wedding stuff to work out, vendor appointments and pictures planned.

I can't think about it anymore or I might cry. I am just praying that he starts to heal, for both our sakes. There is still a week left. A lot can change in a week... right?

The Disconnect

I've reached the low point again in my relationship- that point a few months after being apart where you start to feel disconnected and distant, and you start to question your relationship. We are both busy, him with work, me with preparing for the holidays. Busyness always means less time communicating, which can spell death for any long distance relationship.

There are so many decisions we have to make, so many details we need to discuss, and it is killing me that we can't just sit down and sort it all out. My sister gets to do all sorts of fun things with her man, and I miss having that with the Boy. What I wouldn't give to be able to finally share our lives together...

Long distance is just plain hard (as if any relationship needed more barriers). Despite all the phone calls and e-mails, it is incredibly hard to feel emotionally connected to someone who lives on the other side of the world... no matter how much you want to be with him. I've been with the Boy for almost two years now- most of that time was spent in different countries- and I know from experience that missing some one can make you a little crazy.

Thankfully, I also know that this low point is just phase- one we've been through many times. I'll feel lost and confused for a little bit until I am reminded of how absolutely worth it this relationship is. At the end of the day, no matter the frustration, distance or effort, there is no one else I would rather spend my life with. I am blessed.

Among Rocks and Thorns

“Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow. And it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it. Some fell on stony ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it withered away. And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop. But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred.” And He said to them, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”

-Mark 4:3-9

Since coming home, I am realizing more and more just how many of my friends have traded the truth of Christ for the lies of this world. Recently I visited a couple friends' churches, and both of my friends were so excited to take me to church with them. I was so discouraged after both of those services and it was easy to see how the lack of sound teaching had affected my friends' lives.

At one church, I was told there was no need to bring Bibles to service because the pastor gives topical sermons. (Since when did giving a topical sermon mean no biblical content?) My other friends' church was lively and upbeat. The atmosphere was very inviting and pretty much everyone in attendance was younger than 40. But when the sermon got started, something put me on guard. The sermon was taken from a passage of scripture in Matt. As the pastor expounded on the passage, I waited patiently for something... There was lots of Christian tag words, but only twice in his message did the pastor mention Jesus, and never did he explain who Jesus is or why we follow Him. He never even mentioned Jesus' death and resurrection!

These experiences made me question: How is it that my friends, who profess to believe in Christ, could end up in such empty churches? Then I realized it is easy, if you have grown up in church, to fill in the blanks yourself. If you aren't paying attention, you don't always notice that these things are missing, and slowly as you receive more and more empty teaching, these important truths become less significant to you. Have my friends, who seemed so on fire for God, become like the seed in the rocks and among thorns?

The state of the church saddens me. Christians are being led astray by charismatic leaders and false teachings. Social action has become more important than the Gospel, creativity more valued than truth, and the very meaning of love has been twisted. Churches are more concerned with being culturally relevant than being theologically or biblically sound. Rather than being a salt and light, christians are encouraged to blend into society, under the guise of tolerance. Instead of reading the Word of God, we read bestselling authors that appeal to our postmodern ideals. We keep the verses that make us feel good, and ignore or discount the ones that make us uncomfortable.

Real worship takes a back seat as churches promote social activities and charity. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with serving. In fact, the Bible makes it clear that we ought to be serving others. My problem is that instead of teaching people following Christ, churches are teaching people to be nice. We are quickly losing focus when we decide that Christianity is about 'doing the right thing', 'being fair', 'loving others'.

Christianity must be, first and foremost, about Christ. There is no good news without the Messiah, and there is no need for a messiah without the recognition of sin. Our culture may have changed, but the Gospel has not. The Bible is clear: Christ did not die to teach us how to be better people. Christ died to pay the price for our sins, and His resurrection shows that He has overcome death. In Christ we are free from sin, new creations. And yes, part of being a new creation means our lives will look different.

"Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve."

- 1Cor. 15:1-5

How important it is to be rooted in the Word of God, and filled with the Holy Spirit! Grant your people discernment, Lord.