Dealing with the direct loans people make me want to tear my hair out or beat my head against the wall. On the surface the whole system really doesn't seem that complicated- I need money for school, they loaned it to me, now I need to pay them back- All totally straight forward. So then why does the act of repaying them become so gosh darn convoluted?? And why can't they hire people for their help-line that are actually helpful?? Grr. At least they are giving me a lower interest rate for paying my bills on time and for signing up for direct debit. That .25% is something, I guess.
On a lighter note, I suddenly have an urge to read James Herriot stories... It could be because I found out he went to Vet school in Glasgow, or the fact that I was trying to think of some good books to read to children (a friend asked), but I think I am going to blame it on Akin, and the long stream Milo stories on her blog.
Now that I am reading this entry over, I am finding it rather boring. I can't think of anything interesting to write about these days.
...Maybe I should get a cat.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
When I grow up...
It is already 2pm and I am still in my pajamas after spending the last several hours searching and applying for jobs. This whole process is so disillusioning. For the past year being out of work has eaten away at me. At first I had the wedding to plan, which was a welcome distraction, then moving to Scotland, but now that I am here and feeling the pressure to find work. We don't need the money, but I just can't justify to myself sitting around doing nothing.
I don't have any real career goals, but I really miss having something to be passionate about. Truthfully, I miss ministry. I miss serving the Lord, using the gifts He blessed me with and putting my energy into something that I know is significant and lasting. In the last few weeks I've put out dozens of job applications for positions that mean nothing more to me than a paycheck and an addition to my resume. Ambition is something that continually alludes me.
Some may see what I've just said as clear evidence that God has called me into ministry of some kind, but lately I have been questioning my motives. Do I want to do ministry because God has called me and I want to serve Him, or is it because this is where I'm most comfortable? Having grown up in church, it is too easy to be apart of churchianity, all the while ignoring the Holy Spirit.I want to do His will, not just what is easiest.
Anyway, it occurred to me today that I've been looking for work and filling out all these applications, but I haven't really stopped to pray about any of it. That is where I need to start.
I don't have any real career goals, but I really miss having something to be passionate about. Truthfully, I miss ministry. I miss serving the Lord, using the gifts He blessed me with and putting my energy into something that I know is significant and lasting. In the last few weeks I've put out dozens of job applications for positions that mean nothing more to me than a paycheck and an addition to my resume. Ambition is something that continually alludes me.
Some may see what I've just said as clear evidence that God has called me into ministry of some kind, but lately I have been questioning my motives. Do I want to do ministry because God has called me and I want to serve Him, or is it because this is where I'm most comfortable? Having grown up in church, it is too easy to be apart of churchianity, all the while ignoring the Holy Spirit.I want to do His will, not just what is easiest.
Anyway, it occurred to me today that I've been looking for work and filling out all these applications, but I haven't really stopped to pray about any of it. That is where I need to start.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Feeling fuzzy
This morning I received my first of what is bound to be many rejection letters. What a great way to start the day. I also finally caught up on laundry (thanks to my brother in law giving us his old dryer). I have never been so excited to do laundry before in my life. I can't tell you how nice is to fold dry fluffy clothes, instead of stiff cruchy clothes that it took two whole days hanging to dry. We also have a clean bathmat. Oh joy of joys!!
I think it must be the weather, which is steadily becoming cooler each day (I am SO going to need blankets and warm socks to get through the winter!), but this week I have really been wanting a small creature to keep me company. Even though we really don't need the hassle or expense, I miss have furry pets around. Ross claims this is all just because Sunday, a lady on the train had 3 black lab puppies, and he may be right. I've been dreaming about their little fuzzy faces ever since. Maybe one day...
I think it must be the weather, which is steadily becoming cooler each day (I am SO going to need blankets and warm socks to get through the winter!), but this week I have really been wanting a small creature to keep me company. Even though we really don't need the hassle or expense, I miss have furry pets around. Ross claims this is all just because Sunday, a lady on the train had 3 black lab puppies, and he may be right. I've been dreaming about their little fuzzy faces ever since. Maybe one day...
Monday, August 10, 2009
Husband Mystery 2
The other day I hopped into the shower and waiting for me was an empty bottle of conditioner and a broken shard of mirror. You can imagine my confusion.
Now I happen to have the most finicky hair you can imagine. If it doesn't get it's daily dose of conditioner, it becomes impossible to manage, or even comb through. I know what you are thinking, "Jennie, your hair is so blonde and straight, how could it possibly be difficult to manage?!" Well, if you don't believe me, than you might believe Kelsey, the girl who cuts my hair, who frequently refers to my hair as a monster. The point is- I need my conditioner. My husband, on the other hand, has barely any hair and I can't imagine a scenario where using conditioner would even alter it's make up in any way.
As for the broken glass, I don't think I am alone in thinking that I'd like to keep all broken and sharp things away from me while I am in my most vulnerable and slippery state. Plus, I just couldn't figure out where it had come from. None of the mirrors in the flat were broken.
So I ask myself:
1.) How is it possibly that my husband uses more hair conditioner than I do when his hair is all of 1 inch long? And if he used up the whole bottle, why didn't he throw it away?
2.) Why on earth is there broken glass in our shower?!
Now I happen to have the most finicky hair you can imagine. If it doesn't get it's daily dose of conditioner, it becomes impossible to manage, or even comb through. I know what you are thinking, "Jennie, your hair is so blonde and straight, how could it possibly be difficult to manage?!" Well, if you don't believe me, than you might believe Kelsey, the girl who cuts my hair, who frequently refers to my hair as a monster. The point is- I need my conditioner. My husband, on the other hand, has barely any hair and I can't imagine a scenario where using conditioner would even alter it's make up in any way.
As for the broken glass, I don't think I am alone in thinking that I'd like to keep all broken and sharp things away from me while I am in my most vulnerable and slippery state. Plus, I just couldn't figure out where it had come from. None of the mirrors in the flat were broken.
So I ask myself:
1.) How is it possibly that my husband uses more hair conditioner than I do when his hair is all of 1 inch long? And if he used up the whole bottle, why didn't he throw it away?
2.) Why on earth is there broken glass in our shower?!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Oh Me, Oh My, Oh Mess
This story is a couple days old, but I thought I'd share it anyway:
I started the day with a dozen chores on my list of things to do. Our flat was a mess and I wanted to have everything clean so I could have a special night with my man. But from start to finish the day just did not work out to plan.
First I managed to accidentally start the washing machine while the door wasn't properly latched, which sent water flooding over our kitchen floor. After like an hour mopping up the mess, I turned to the 3 days worth of dishes that had managed to pile up only to find that our hot water had gone out again. Frustrated, I left the mess of dishes and walked down to the shops, where I needed to get a headset for use with skype, and a few other items. While at Argos, despite checking the catalog number several times, I managed to order the wrong thing and had a long wait while they searched for the headset I'd actually meant to buy.
Then I spent quite a bit of time searching for things at the grocery store, because apparently cornmeal is called polenta here (who knew?) and they don't carry it in my local store anymore... Whatever.
By the time I got home it was already getting late, I hopped in the shower, swept the floors, starred at the mound of clothes waiting to be folded and decided to try tackling the dishes once more. Just as I start getting frustrated with the huge disgusting pile of dirty dishes and the lack of hot water to clean them, my husband walks in 2 hours early, with his mother in tow!!! The house is a mess, my hair is unkempt, I am half dressed and totally embarrassed by it all. So much for a nice date night!
After I show his mother out, I set my attention to dinner, which was supposed to be Thai green curry. Somewhere in my frazzled haze, I turned the heat all the way up, burning the pan of onions and then while opening the can of coconut milk I show how flung the coconut milk all over the kitchen...
Seriously ALL OVER. I had a couple cupboards and drawers open at the time, which meant the contents of our baking cupboard and silverware drawer were covered in a sticky mess. The counter top and floor were covered, and there was barely enough left in the can for dinner!
I have to say- I'm pretty good at making messes.
I started the day with a dozen chores on my list of things to do. Our flat was a mess and I wanted to have everything clean so I could have a special night with my man. But from start to finish the day just did not work out to plan.
First I managed to accidentally start the washing machine while the door wasn't properly latched, which sent water flooding over our kitchen floor. After like an hour mopping up the mess, I turned to the 3 days worth of dishes that had managed to pile up only to find that our hot water had gone out again. Frustrated, I left the mess of dishes and walked down to the shops, where I needed to get a headset for use with skype, and a few other items. While at Argos, despite checking the catalog number several times, I managed to order the wrong thing and had a long wait while they searched for the headset I'd actually meant to buy.
Then I spent quite a bit of time searching for things at the grocery store, because apparently cornmeal is called polenta here (who knew?) and they don't carry it in my local store anymore... Whatever.
By the time I got home it was already getting late, I hopped in the shower, swept the floors, starred at the mound of clothes waiting to be folded and decided to try tackling the dishes once more. Just as I start getting frustrated with the huge disgusting pile of dirty dishes and the lack of hot water to clean them, my husband walks in 2 hours early, with his mother in tow!!! The house is a mess, my hair is unkempt, I am half dressed and totally embarrassed by it all. So much for a nice date night!
After I show his mother out, I set my attention to dinner, which was supposed to be Thai green curry. Somewhere in my frazzled haze, I turned the heat all the way up, burning the pan of onions and then while opening the can of coconut milk I show how flung the coconut milk all over the kitchen...
Seriously ALL OVER. I had a couple cupboards and drawers open at the time, which meant the contents of our baking cupboard and silverware drawer were covered in a sticky mess. The counter top and floor were covered, and there was barely enough left in the can for dinner!
I have to say- I'm pretty good at making messes.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Entitlement
I was in such a bad mood a few minutes ago, for reasons that are totally ridiculous, but then I read this article and now I can't stop laughing. I love how stupid people can sue, and likely win money, for anything in the US. The land of freedom- where you can make your problems some one else's courtesy of your local claims court. haha
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/03/new.york.jobless.graduate/index.html
All I have to say is that I am appalled that anyone would be inclined to give 'preferential treatment' to students who were the best in their class. Clearly this young woman is exceptional with her 2.7 GPA and feelings of entitlement. Who wouldn't want to hire her?!
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/03/new.york.jobless.graduate/index.html
All I have to say is that I am appalled that anyone would be inclined to give 'preferential treatment' to students who were the best in their class. Clearly this young woman is exceptional with her 2.7 GPA and feelings of entitlement. Who wouldn't want to hire her?!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Adjusting...
I'll get back to finishing the updates on the last several weeks soon. But while I had a free minute I wanted to write about my week.
The first few weeks here in Scotland have been a roller coaster of emotions. I absolutely love being married! My husband is amazing and I feel so blessed at how the Lord orchestrated everything so we could be together. There is nothing sweeter than getting to end my day snuggled up next to my husband, or being able to study God's Word together.
But I think I underestimated how hard this transition would be. There is just so much that I don't know about life here and I am constantly feeling like the only kid in the class who is totally clueless. It is the littlest things that just constantly remind me that I am not from here, and I have moments of wondering if I will ever feel at home again. Couple feeling lost with a total lack of community and you can probably see why some days are hard.
I almost feel a little guilty about relying on Ross for absolutely everything. He keeps telling me that he doesn't mind and to give myself time, but I hate that he has to make all these phone calls on my behalf when he is working and I'm not. I get so frustrated that it took me an hour starring at shelves to pick out proper cleaning supplies and several trips to the grocery store before I found yeast. While I know all this is normal, I still find myself fighting off feelings of incompetence and inadequacy.
This week it finally occurred to me why this time around is SO much harder than the other international moves I've made. In my other moves, I always had a sort of built in buffer- as a student I was surrounded by people just as lost looking for new friends, in Israel I had a team of people who were my built in support. This is the first time I've had to confront the cultural adjustments on my own. Trying to build relationships with people who already have established lives, families and jobs is much harder. Plus, I end up feeling rather alone in the process. Thank God for an understanding and patient husband! His encouragements have seriously kept me going some days.
But actually I started writing this post as an update on how good things are- This week I feel like I am finally starting to make some ground in meeting people. I tend to close myself off in new situations, but I am really trying to put myself out there a bit more. It seems to be working!
Saturday we went to a dinner party with some people from church. I was totally overwhelmed, but it was really sweet to be included and I now have a few more friendly faces in the mix. Yesterday I met a lady from church for tea. Our conversation was such an encouragement and I am looking forward to seeing her again. While we were chatting I met a couple more women who I now have a lunch date with on Thursday!
God is good and I am so thankful He has opened these doors for me. Today I feel confident and energized for the first time in weeks. Now on to conquer the job front!
The first few weeks here in Scotland have been a roller coaster of emotions. I absolutely love being married! My husband is amazing and I feel so blessed at how the Lord orchestrated everything so we could be together. There is nothing sweeter than getting to end my day snuggled up next to my husband, or being able to study God's Word together.
But I think I underestimated how hard this transition would be. There is just so much that I don't know about life here and I am constantly feeling like the only kid in the class who is totally clueless. It is the littlest things that just constantly remind me that I am not from here, and I have moments of wondering if I will ever feel at home again. Couple feeling lost with a total lack of community and you can probably see why some days are hard.
I almost feel a little guilty about relying on Ross for absolutely everything. He keeps telling me that he doesn't mind and to give myself time, but I hate that he has to make all these phone calls on my behalf when he is working and I'm not. I get so frustrated that it took me an hour starring at shelves to pick out proper cleaning supplies and several trips to the grocery store before I found yeast. While I know all this is normal, I still find myself fighting off feelings of incompetence and inadequacy.
This week it finally occurred to me why this time around is SO much harder than the other international moves I've made. In my other moves, I always had a sort of built in buffer- as a student I was surrounded by people just as lost looking for new friends, in Israel I had a team of people who were my built in support. This is the first time I've had to confront the cultural adjustments on my own. Trying to build relationships with people who already have established lives, families and jobs is much harder. Plus, I end up feeling rather alone in the process. Thank God for an understanding and patient husband! His encouragements have seriously kept me going some days.
But actually I started writing this post as an update on how good things are- This week I feel like I am finally starting to make some ground in meeting people. I tend to close myself off in new situations, but I am really trying to put myself out there a bit more. It seems to be working!
Saturday we went to a dinner party with some people from church. I was totally overwhelmed, but it was really sweet to be included and I now have a few more friendly faces in the mix. Yesterday I met a lady from church for tea. Our conversation was such an encouragement and I am looking forward to seeing her again. While we were chatting I met a couple more women who I now have a lunch date with on Thursday!
God is good and I am so thankful He has opened these doors for me. Today I feel confident and energized for the first time in weeks. Now on to conquer the job front!
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