A Noble Life

Cooking Curse

2010-02-18T04:58:00.000-08:00

It is a well known fact that my mother-in-law does not cook. She reheats via oven or microwave and occasionally boils potatoes, and back in the day, apparently, she baked a pan or two of shortbread. Christmas dinner at her house was a series of ready-made starters, precooked turkey breast and pre-roasted potatoes, finished off with ice cream and fresh raspberries.

I am not sure how I feel about her lack of culinary interest. At first I really loved it because I think I may have lost it long ago if I had married a ‘that’s-not-how-my-mother-used-to-make-it’ type. But no, I have the opposite problem… My husband is so excited that he now gets served edible food at home that he never has the desire to eat a meal any where else. Once I started cooking for him, it was like he discovered food for the first time after years of starvation. (Okay, a bit extreme perhaps, but the man hoovers anything I make him with the greed of my father’s black Labrador.)

Anytime I start thinking a bowl of cereal would do me for dinner, I come home to discover that my sweet husband has been bragging about my cooking and am guilt tripped (by myself) into making yet another brag-worthy meal. If I pick up something pre-made off the shelves, my husband’s heart visibly sinks.

Don’t misunderstand me- I genuinely love cooking, especially for my wonderful husband. I love feeding some who so clearly appreciates each and every bite (I have yet to see a dinner plate he hasn’t cleared completely! I baked him cinnamon rolls for his birthday in Sept and he hasn’t stopped talking about them since.). My complaint isn’t that I have to cook- my complaint is that I have to figure out what to cook!

After eight months of marriage, cooking 5-6 nights a week, I am out of ideas! My husband may be perfectly happy with whatever I cook, but if I have to eat another meal of mushroom & chicken pasta, I think I might cry. Now all I can do is pray for spark of culinary creativity. In the meantime, I’ve been walking to work and back to save my bus fare so I can buy up any cooking magazines I find…

It must be love...

2010-02-17T05:56:00.000-08:00

I have never doubted that my husband loves me. He goes out of his way to make sure I know- he brings me flowers, gives massages, indulges my chocolate needs, and recently took me out for a terrific Valentine's dinner at a really nice restaurant. He is always my biggest fan and encourager.

But I have never been more sure that my husband loves me than when he offered to hold the bowl. Last week I contracted some form of stomach flu/food poisoning. Ross sweetly rubbed my back and head while I writhed in pain. And when I woke up in the middle of the night, emptying my stomach of it's entire contents, he could have gagged and left me to it- not my husband- he offered to hold the bowl.

It must be love...

Valentine’s Day

2010-02-16T04:57:00.000-08:00

My parents sent my husband a valentine’s card to let him know that they miss and love him. The Husband’s response:

“Dear In-laws,

Thank you so much for the card you sent. I have never received a Valentine’s Day card from an elderly person before...”

Impropriety or Bird...?

2009-11-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

I am really enjoying being back in the working world. So far I haven't had many problems adjusting to my duties, and for the most part, my days are without incident. However, every once in a while I run into some major language barriers, where I either misunderstand what's been said, or I just stand there in a cold sweat with a complete blank.

Occasionally there are quite humorous misunderstandings. Like yesterday when my co-worker, who was looking out the window in our office remarked, "Look at those two tits! They're so wee. They're dead tiny. Aw, they're lovely." To which my other two co-workers rushed to the window and heartily agreed.

After my initial shock at how innappropriate they were being, I managed to clarify what they were talking about. Apparently, they were gazing at two young blue tits, which are not anything sinister, but are simply a small type of bird native to this area. My co-workers then went on to explain how there were Blue tits, Green Tits, White Bellied Tits, and Marsh Tits. Despite my attempts to remain professional, I couldn't help but snicker throughout their explanation. After my co-workers earnestly tried to think of what else might be called tit ("Well, they had a thing called a dummy tit for babies to suck on..."), my snickering turned into belly-aching-tear-inducing-laughter, which lasted a good half an hour.

Perhaps I am not so much of an adult afterall...

Thankfully, my co-workers appreciate me for my American vernacular and ignorance. This morning I found in my inbox an e-mail from one co-worker labeled 'Check out this Tit!' leading to a picture a wikipedia article and a picture of a small bird.

Bailey

2009-09-08T02:47:00.000-07:00

The day we all knew would come but were hoping would hold off another year or two finally arrived. My parents' decided to put our old dog, Bailey, to sleep. Technically she was my younger brother's dog, but really she was the family dog. At 12+ years old, the hot summer days were pretty miserable for her. At the end, in pain and no longer able to stand, my dad had to carry her to the car (which was no small feat if you recall that Bailey was about twice the size of a normal golden retriever).

I was definitely sad to hear this news, but, to be honest, being so far away makes it feel less real. Bailey was such an everpresent character in our family for the past 12 years- always in the middle of whatever activity was going on, with a nack for laying down right in whatever walkway or path you might be needing. She is the center of so many good family memories- the christmas eve we spent washing her after she got sprayed by the skunk, the time she proudly covered herself in fresh buffalo dung at Yosemite, the brownie she sneakily stole at our bridal shower... I could share Bailey stories all day. Despite her being a dog, it is pretty easy to talk about her like she was a member of our family. And she was. There is a part of me that still expects to see her coming out to greet us the next time we visit.

She was a good dog and I am thankful we got to enjoy her for as long as we did. Rest in Peace, Bailey.

Feeling Catty

2009-08-26T05:44:00.000-07:00

Dealing with the direct loans people make me want to tear my hair out or beat my head against the wall. On the surface the whole system really doesn't seem that complicated- I need money for school, they loaned it to me, now I need to pay them back- All totally straight forward. So then why does the act of repaying them become so gosh darn convoluted?? And why can't they hire people for their help-line that are actually helpful?? Grr. At least they are giving me a lower interest rate for paying my bills on time and for signing up for direct debit. That .25% is something, I guess.

On a lighter note, I suddenly have an urge to read James Herriot stories... It could be because I found out he went to Vet school in Glasgow, or the fact that I was trying to think of some good books to read to children (a friend asked), but I think I am going to blame it on Akin, and the long stream Milo stories on her blog.

Now that I am reading this entry over, I am finding it rather boring. I can't think of anything interesting to write about these days.

...Maybe I should get a cat.

When I grow up...

2009-08-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

It is already 2pm and I am still in my pajamas after spending the last several hours searching and applying for jobs. This whole process is so disillusioning. For the past year being out of work has eaten away at me. At first I had the wedding to plan, which was a welcome distraction, then moving to Scotland, but now that I am here and feeling the pressure to find work. We don't need the money, but I just can't justify to myself sitting around doing nothing.

I don't have any real career goals, but I really miss having something to be passionate about. Truthfully, I miss ministry. I miss serving the Lord, using the gifts He blessed me with and putting my energy into something that I know is significant and lasting. In the last few weeks I've put out dozens of job applications for positions that mean nothing more to me than a paycheck and an addition to my resume. Ambition is something that continually alludes me.

Some may see what I've just said as clear evidence that God has called me into ministry of some kind, but lately I have been questioning my motives. Do I want to do ministry because God has called me and I want to serve Him, or is it because this is where I'm most comfortable? Having grown up in church, it is too easy to be apart of churchianity, all the while ignoring the Holy Spirit.I want to do His will, not just what is easiest.

Anyway, it occurred to me today that I've been looking for work and filling out all these applications, but I haven't really stopped to pray about any of it. That is where I need to start.

Feeling fuzzy

2009-08-12T08:46:00.000-07:00

This morning I received my first of what is bound to be many rejection letters. What a great way to start the day. I also finally caught up on laundry (thanks to my brother in law giving us his old dryer). I have never been so excited to do laundry before in my life. I can't tell you how nice is to fold dry fluffy clothes, instead of stiff cruchy clothes that it took two whole days hanging to dry. We also have a clean bathmat. Oh joy of joys!!

I think it must be the weather, which is steadily becoming cooler each day (I am SO going to need blankets and warm socks to get through the winter!), but this week I have really been wanting a small creature to keep me company. Even though we really don't need the hassle or expense, I miss have furry pets around. Ross claims this is all just because Sunday, a lady on the train had 3 black lab puppies, and he may be right. I've been dreaming about their little fuzzy faces ever since. Maybe one day...

Husband Mystery 2

2009-08-10T03:11:00.001-07:00

The other day I hopped into the shower and waiting for me was an empty bottle of conditioner and a broken shard of mirror. You can imagine my confusion.

Now I happen to have the most finicky hair you can imagine. If it doesn't get it's daily dose of conditioner, it becomes impossible to manage, or even comb through. I know what you are thinking, "Jennie, your hair is so blonde and straight, how could it possibly be difficult to manage?!" Well, if you don't believe me, than you might believe Kelsey, the girl who cuts my hair, who frequently refers to my hair as a monster. The point is- I need my conditioner. My husband, on the other hand, has barely any hair and I can't imagine a scenario where using conditioner would even alter it's make up in any way.

As for the broken glass, I don't think I am alone in thinking that I'd like to keep all broken and sharp things away from me while I am in my most vulnerable and slippery state. Plus, I just couldn't figure out where it had come from. None of the mirrors in the flat were broken.

So I ask myself:
1.) How is it possibly that my husband uses more hair conditioner than I do when his hair is all of 1 inch long? And if he used up the whole bottle, why didn't he throw it away?

2.) Why on earth is there broken glass in our shower?!

Oh Me, Oh My, Oh Mess

2009-08-07T00:57:00.000-07:00

This story is a couple days old, but I thought I'd share it anyway:

I started the day with a dozen chores on my list of things to do. Our flat was a mess and I wanted to have everything clean so I could have a special night with my man. But from start to finish the day just did not work out to plan.

First I managed to accidentally start the washing machine while the door wasn't properly latched, which sent water flooding over our kitchen floor. After like an hour mopping up the mess, I turned to the 3 days worth of dishes that had managed to pile up only to find that our hot water had gone out again. Frustrated, I left the mess of dishes and walked down to the shops, where I needed to get a headset for use with skype, and a few other items. While at Argos, despite checking the catalog number several times, I managed to order the wrong thing and had a long wait while they searched for the headset I'd actually meant to buy.

Then I spent quite a bit of time searching for things at the grocery store, because apparently cornmeal is called polenta here (who knew?) and they don't carry it in my local store anymore... Whatever.

By the time I got home it was already getting late, I hopped in the shower, swept the floors, starred at the mound of clothes waiting to be folded and decided to try tackling the dishes once more. Just as I start getting frustrated with the huge disgusting pile of dirty dishes and the lack of hot water to clean them, my husband walks in 2 hours early, with his mother in tow!!! The house is a mess, my hair is unkempt, I am half dressed and totally embarrassed by it all. So much for a nice date night!

After I show his mother out, I set my attention to dinner, which was supposed to be Thai green curry. Somewhere in my frazzled haze, I turned the heat all the way up, burning the pan of onions and then while opening the can of coconut milk I show how flung the coconut milk all over the kitchen...

Seriously ALL OVER. I had a couple cupboards and drawers open at the time, which meant the contents of our baking cupboard and silverware drawer were covered in a sticky mess. The counter top and floor were covered, and there was barely enough left in the can for dinner!

I have to say- I'm pretty good at making messes.

Entitlement

2009-08-04T09:58:00.001-07:00

I was in such a bad mood a few minutes ago, for reasons that are totally ridiculous, but then I read this article and now I can't stop laughing. I love how stupid people can sue, and likely win money, for anything in the US. The land of freedom- where you can make your problems some one else's courtesy of your local claims court. haha

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/08/03/new.york.jobless.graduate/index.html

All I have to say is that I am appalled that anyone would be inclined to give 'preferential treatment' to students who were the best in their class. Clearly this young woman is exceptional with her 2.7 GPA and feelings of entitlement. Who wouldn't want to hire her?!

Adjusting...

2009-07-28T04:29:00.000-07:00

I'll get back to finishing the updates on the last several weeks soon. But while I had a free minute I wanted to write about my week.

The first few weeks here in Scotland have been a roller coaster of emotions. I absolutely love being married! My husband is amazing and I feel so blessed at how the Lord orchestrated everything so we could be together. There is nothing sweeter than getting to end my day snuggled up next to my husband, or being able to study God's Word together.

But I think I underestimated how hard this transition would be. There is just so much that I don't know about life here and I am constantly feeling like the only kid in the class who is totally clueless. It is the littlest things that just constantly remind me that I am not from here, and I have moments of wondering if I will ever feel at home again. Couple feeling lost with a total lack of community and you can probably see why some days are hard.

I almost feel a little guilty about relying on Ross for absolutely everything. He keeps telling me that he doesn't mind and to give myself time, but I hate that he has to make all these phone calls on my behalf when he is working and I'm not. I get so frustrated that it took me an hour starring at shelves to pick out proper cleaning supplies and several trips to the grocery store before I found yeast. While I know all this is normal, I still find myself fighting off feelings of incompetence and inadequacy.

This week it finally occurred to me why this time around is SO much harder than the other international moves I've made. In my other moves, I always had a sort of built in buffer- as a student I was surrounded by people just as lost looking for new friends, in Israel I had a team of people who were my built in support. This is the first time I've had to confront the cultural adjustments on my own. Trying to build relationships with people who already have established lives, families and jobs is much harder. Plus, I end up feeling rather alone in the process. Thank God for an understanding and patient husband! His encouragements have seriously kept me going some days.

But actually I started writing this post as an update on how good things are- This week I feel like I am finally starting to make some ground in meeting people. I tend to close myself off in new situations, but I am really trying to put myself out there a bit more. It seems to be working!

Saturday we went to a dinner party with some people from church. I was totally overwhelmed, but it was really sweet to be included and I now have a few more friendly faces in the mix. Yesterday I met a lady from church for tea. Our conversation was such an encouragement and I am looking forward to seeing her again. While we were chatting I met a couple more women who I now have a lunch date with on Thursday!

God is good and I am so thankful He has opened these doors for me. Today I feel confident and energized for the first time in weeks. Now on to conquer the job front!

Honeymoon 1 (aka beach hopping)

2009-07-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

Looking through the pictures from our honeymoon I noticed that almost all of our pictures took place on a beach somewhere. And I discovered that I am in like 3 of them! So basically our honeymoon pictures consist of Ross standing on a beach somewhere trying not to look uncomfortable while I snap a picture to commemorate the few days of marital bliss that are a honeymoon.

Example #1:

Example #2 (although I should point out that Ross was actually excited about this one because he got to stand on a big rock... boys...)

After some unexpected setbacks we started our honeymoon in Gualala, where my aunt and uncle own a vacation home they gracious gave us the use of. The area around Gualala is just gorgeous and it was the perfect place for us to just relax and curl up with a book.

A significant portion of our honeymoon was spent in the car, as we drove from Sacramento to Gualala and back a few times, then down to Orange County and back to Sacramento. Ross did all the driving (most of the time with very little complaint). And though road rage and long trips can test any relationship, we managed to maintain our love and have a really great time along the way.

To prove that I was actually with my husband:

The Day After...

2009-07-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

Saturday June 13, barely 24 hours after I said my vows, my beautiful big sister tied the knot with her man on my parents property. Her wedding was sweet and wonderfully creative: from the quilt table cloths and button flowers in her bouquet, to the centerpieces made out of flowers planted in logs, to the bale of hay the gifts were set on- it was Jessi's day!

People keep asking me if it was awkward to show up after being married the day before. Not at all! The day was all about my sister and I was so happy to be there. (Of course I did manage to steal a few kisses throughout the day from my sweet husband, who was looking particularly good in his suit.)

I have to say- our first day of marriage was a pretty good one. Ross even got to learn how to drive the ATV (and manage to use it to deliver my sister's 5 wedding cakes unharmed to the cake table.) Plus, I got to be a Matron of Honor at 23!

(Somehow that sounded like more of an accomplishment in my head...)

When I left off...

2009-07-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

Since I haven't posted in forever I thought a review of the last several weeks would be a good place to start.

After months of weeding, shoveling and hard labor, we managed to beautify my parents property in preparation for The Weddings. Everyone told us we were crazy to have two weddings in one weekend, but we pulled it off with flying colors!

Friday, June 12 I married my best friend and the love of my life. All those moments of banging my head against the wall were worth it in the end because our wedding was just perfect. It was an intimate simple celebration- no awkward dancing or creepy garter removing. The weather was lovely and the church was quaint. Other than missing a few close friends, I couldn't have asked for more. Thank you to all the friends and family who made our special day possible!

A shock to the system...

2009-05-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

Today I signed on to my wedding website and saw the countdown clock: 17 days until the wedding... Seeing that gave me a minor panic attack. I only have 17 days to figure everything out?!! Eeek!

BUT, to make it all better I got the bags for my wedding favors and I LOVE them!! I know it is such a minor part of the day, but they are perfect. After the disappointments and hassles of the whole music situation, it is nice to have something go my way.

Pre-wedded Bliss

2009-05-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it is the fact that my wedding is only 31 days away, but lately I am just loving life. I mean there are certainly things that suck, like how complicated it is for me to live in the same country as my man, but all things considered I have a really great life.

I have a wonderful fiance, who is swamped with work and still finds time to pray for me, encourage me, write me sweet mushy letters, and set up a place for us to live. What would I do without him? I have an awesome family, which I was once again reminded of as I watched my mom tear up over the sweet Mother's Day letter my Dad wrote her. After 29 years of marriage and some big changes, they still love being together. I have some great friends, who constantly go that extra mile for me and listen patiently to me in all my crazy moments. I've learned so much from them. On top of it all, I have a great God, who has blessed me, provided for me, and been faithful to me. I don't deserve any of it, yet He gives bountifully.

Aside from the mushiness, I am getting more and more excited about the weddings. Yesterday I finally bought a veil. I gave in and got a long one. It is a bit longer than my dress train, completely impractical and totally beautiful. While we were in the store, my mom bought me the cutest parasol. Technically the parasol is for my sister's outdoor wedding, but I think it will be really cute in my wedding pictures too!

I tend to be a little serious and reserved, and letting loose is hard for me to do. But I am going to do my best to let down my hair in the coming weeks and have some fun for a change. I have my whole life to be serious and having fun doesn't have to mean being irresponsible. I just want to enjoy my friends and family, and not worry so much about silly things. We'll see how it goes...

Mother's Day

2009-05-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my mother returned from her annual Mother's Day weekend away. Every year she, her sister and her mother celebrate Mother's Day by leaving their families and holing up in the nearest casino hotel for a few days. They gamble, shop, eat, buy things with their comps, and enjoy each others company. Despite the fact this weekend is supposed to be about her, my mother almost always brings us back goodies. Her generosity continues to astound me after all these years.

While she was gone, I spent almost all weekend planting flowers, weeding and maintaining her garden. I do not share my mother's fascination with flowers. And gardening is one of my least favorite activities, particularly in our yard where every two inches you are pulling out dead roots or rocks, and the whole time you are being eaten alive by mosquitoes. Why do people find that relaxing?! At least Mom was thrilled with the results and that was what it was really about.

I will have to post some pictures of the yard because I am pretty proud of what my hard work accomplished.

The dress update:

2009-04-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

I am back to feeling totally confident in my dress! My mom and sister think the dress is great, and my wonderful big sister worked some magic to make me feel better about it. So, after loving words from the Boy, reassurances from my women-folk, and baking a batch of rainbow chip cupcakes, (Yes, I gave in, but I figured I deserved them after my emotional meltdown earlier.) I think I am back in the land of the sane.

tissue paper tears

2009-04-24T14:23:00.000-07:00

Most of the time I think I am a pretty level-headed person and it is rare that I get worked up about anything, much less something trivial. But today I found myself sobbing as I drove away from picking up my wedding dress. Not mushy sobbing, but 'oh-my-gosh-I'm-going-to-look-horrible-on-my-wedding-day' sobbing.

I don't know if it is my hormones (I admit to a case of PMS), or if it is all in my head, but when I put on my wedding dress today it did not fit right. The hem was perfect, and the bustle was fine, but the bustline, which wasn't altered, just isn't right. The neckline is too high and my breasts can't be pushed up that far.

Stupidly I forgot to bring the correct bra to the fitting, and the alterations lady told me it would fit better once I had the right bra on. Even without the bra, she insisted that the dress fit exactly as it was supposed to and that it looked beautiful. Another girl said that if I was worried I could stuff the dress or my bra to get it how I wanted it!!! Hearing that brought tears to my eyes and I've been crying on and off about it ever since.

As soon as I got home I tried the dress on with the right bra and it still doesn't look quite right. I can't believe that I am actually crying over a dress! Every other time I tried on my wedding dress, I felt beautiful in it and so excited to show it off. It is disappointing to feel awkward and silly in my own wedding dress.

Thankfully, my mom and sister are going to look at it with me tonight to see if the dress really needs to be altered again. I'm hoping they can cheer me up or that the ladies over at Renfros (where my sis got her dress) can fix it. Until then, I am just going to have to get a grip.

The wonderful world of Weddings...

2009-04-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

I love how creative some people are when they plan their weddings, and how they include little personal touches. As I work out the final details of my own wedding, I continue to find some great ideas from those who have gone before. Here are a couple of this weeks finds:

My sister should totally steal this idea of having felt and button bouquets, rather than fresh flowers. They are totally her style (the girl spins her own yarn!) and they can be displayed in her house for ages. How cute! Thank you Princess Lasertron for your creative ideas (www.princesslasertron.com).

This fun and thoughtful idea comes from a wedding featured on the blog OnceWed. The bride thought a word search at the reception would entertain guests. I think it is an adorable idea, especially for word lovers.

I've never understood the point of a wedding guest book. Just having a list of names seems like a waste of money and shelf space, so I am desperately trying find a way to make this tradition better. Using a typewriter is a different twist on an old tradition and it may just have potential...

Mourning the Loss of Life as I know it...

2009-04-21T12:08:00.001-07:00

I am so excited about marrying the Boy in a mere 52 days! He is just an amazing man and I could rave about him for ages (but I won't because inevitably people will start gagging from all the mushiness). But honestly, I can't wait to start our life together.

Today I started the unenviable task of sorting through my crud. Since I will be moving halfway across the world, I can only bring so much with me. As I was going through my clothes I realized that 2/3's of what I own are summer clothes and that I will never have need for them in Scotland. It made me realize all the more, how different life will be, but more importantly that I am going to have to learn how to abide wearing close toed shoes!!! My poor toes are so used to living free in flip flops and sandals, and now after 23 years, they will be forced into a confined world of darkness, blisters and socks.

Now that I my wedding dress is altered (I pick it up on Friday!), I am feeling the pressure not to gain any weight. Of course, this means that I am craving all sorts of delectable and fatty foods. Normally I eat pretty healthy, but knowing I can't afford to gain weight triggers every naughty craving; brownies, cupcakes, and all things chocolate haunt my dreams. For like a week I have been eying a box of rainbow chip cake mix. While I resisted making the 24 cupcakes, I already gave in and ate a spoonful of the rainbow chip frosting.

I'll just have to make due with my 100 calories of carrots and hummus...

100 Calories

2009-04-21T01:09:00.000-07:00

Since I have nothing to do most days but wait for wedding vendors to return my phone-calls, clean out my room, and put together wedding invitations, I find myself surfing the web more than I ever did before. I have to say, there is some really random stuff out there.

However, sad and boring my life may be it has given me time to read up on things I never would have if I, you know, had a life. For example today I took the 100 Calories Quiz from the Women's Health Magazine. Here's what I learned:

18 Rold Gold Pretzels = 100 calories
1 Tbsp peanuts + 2 Tbsp dried cranberries = 100 calories
1 cup baby carrots + 2 Tbsp hummus = 100 calories
1 1/2 cups strawberries + 3 Tbsp Cool Whip Free = 100 Calories
2 Sargento light string cheeses = 100 Calories
10 Peanut M&Ms = 100 Calories

Also, a new study recently discovered that childbirth was painful for Neanderthal women. Seriously, this is a new discovery!? I could have saved them years of research by explaining that it is ALWAYS going to be painful to push something large out of a tiny hole. By the way, this study was researched and published by males.

Thank you Yahoo! and Google for allowing me to blow hours everyday reading pointless articles. Without your wealth of information, I might not know that 3 tomato slices with 1 1/2 Tbsp feta and 1 ½ tsp olive oil = 100 calories.

Fruitcake and Ice Cream

2009-04-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

Recently I saw a sermon preached by Louie Giglio, entitled "Fruitcake and Ice Cream". I totally recommend this video to anyone. Go watch it and be encouraged.

I love Louie's focus on the importance of grace and the results of grace in our lives. He points out that we often think that the Gospel (eternal life in exchange for belief and trust in Jesus as our Savior) is too easy, when really it was the most difficult thing ever accomplished. We, the recipients, often forget the cost of grace and minimize what should be a completely life altering truth:

"He made him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." ~2 Cor. 5:21

In the moment of the crucifixion the greatest transaction ever took place. God took all of my sin and put it on His perfect son, and took His righteousness and put it into me! The Gospel is not about us; it is about what God has done. Amen!

I need to be reminded of these awesome truths more often.

Pesach

2009-04-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

It finally hit me how much needs to get done before the weddings. There is only two months left and my growing To Do list is now 3 full pages. Just as I was starting to freak out about it all, my time with the Lord brought me back to reality.

This week we celebrate Passover and Easter. When I consider the significance of these days it is difficult to worry about wedding decorations. And I am so thankful the Lord had the foresight to make us set aside days just to remember.

"And Moses said unto the people, Remember this day, in which ye came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the LORD brought you out from this place." ~Exodus 13:3

Since living in Israel, Passover (Pesach) has become one of my favorite holidays. Passover is a celebration of redemption, and all of it, from the food to the readings, points to Christ. For believers in Yeshua, Passover is also special because He chose this festival to establish His New Covenant. The Last Supper was a Passover meal, where Jesus revealed to his disciples that He would be the ultimate sacrifice.

Take time this week to read through Exodus and one of the Gospels. You will be totally refreshed by the truth of what we have in Christ.

Chag Sameach!

Thank You

2009-03-31T09:10:00.000-07:00

At the moment I am swimming in a sea of love. From my friends, who arranged a ride so I could come visit, to my awesome fiance, whose sweet note was waiting for me when I returned home, to the several friends who have offered to go out of their way to celebrate my upcoming marriage, to the ways God keeps reminding me of His goodness and faithfulness... And I have to admit that I am a little overwhelmed by how many people are willing to drive 10 hours out of their way just to attend a bridal shower, or share a meal with me. I am blessed by all the loving people in my life.

Sick smell and the Wedding Epiphany

2009-03-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

I spent the better part of the last week in bed with the worst cold/flu sickness I've had in a while. As if living in Rescue didn't provide enough isolation, my parents also insisted that I be confined to my bedroom, so as not to contaminate the rest of the house. Because when you are really sick not contaminating others should be the chief concern. There wasn't much need to check on me, since they were able to hear me coughing my lungs up through the closed door. (I may buy them a bottle of Lysol as a peace offering.) Sadly, be locked up means that my room now smells like sick person, which is a problem now that I can smell again...

Thankfully I am well on my way to being healthy again, except for a nagging cough. At least I am sounding less like a smoker. And most important, I am well enough to head south for the weekend! I am stoked that my friends from home took the time to arrange a ride for me to OC, so I could see them before the wedding. It always makes you feel loved to have people go out of their way for you. I happen to have some pretty sweet friends!

Today I looked at my wedding invitations and realized the response cards don't match the invitation. It is totally my mistake- I ordered the invites in black ink and the response cards in purple ink. (Who knows what I was thinking...) As I sat there looking at the mismatched cards, I had my wedding epiphany. I realized how much I really didn't care that my invitations didn't match.

It turns out that I am really horrible at wedding planning, and I am pretty okay with it. Instead of worrying what other people will think about my chosen decor, I am just excited that I am getting married to an amazing man. It is going to be a great day!

Wedding guests- be prepared to eat off disposable plates!

Random Facts

2009-03-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

I was bored this morning, so I compiled the following list of things you may or may not know about me (and may or may not be interested in knowing).

1. I can’t stand it when grout is stained or dirty, especially in the kitchen.

2. I have been knitting the same scarf on and off for three years…

3. I really wish I felt comfortable on a dance floor because dancing looks like so much fun from the side-lines.

4. In June I am marrying the only boy I’ve ever kissed or dated!

5. I hum to myself a lot, often without realizing it, and when I am driving by myself, I sing along with the radio/cd very loudly.

6. I’m shy and can be very quiet at first, but once I’m comfortable, I talk WAY too much.

7. I think frogs are cute and I would love to have an elephant.

8. I have flat feet, and they get very sore if I have been walking/standing for a long time.

9. It really is the simple things that make me happy: like laying on cool cement on a warm day, and watching the clouds, or driving through the country with the windows rolled down and the music playing, curling up next to my love with a good book…

10. I used to write a lot more than I do now and sometimes I worry that I lost my imagination in the process of becoming an adult. I miss writing stories and poems…

11. I like to experiment in the kitchen and I rarely follow a recipe exactly.

12. I think bitter can be tasty. I like strong black coffee, dark chocolate (over 70%), most cheeses and the taste of some hard liquor.

13. I like old movies.

14. I tore the meniscus in both of my knees while playing water-polo. At one point, my knee was locked in a 90 degree angle for several days when part of my torn menisci got jammed in my knee joint. I was supposed to have surgery, but opted to wait… indefinitely.

15. Both of my thumbs have been dislocated several times (another water polo injury), but I have learned how to pop them back into place myself.

16. I’ve never broken a bone, or had surgery, but I have needed stitches at various points.

17. As a child, my most beloved toys were a big brown stuffed bear, named Browny Bear, and a baby doll named Thumbelina, which belonged to my mother as a child and whose stuffing was constantly falling out.

18. I admit to owning CDs by Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, Anastasia, and Randy Travis.

19. I think garden gnomes are creepy…

20. I love choral/vocal music, especially Gregorian chants, sacred harp, and pieces composed by Eric Whitacre.

21. Lots of noise and large crowds overwhelm me. I prefer one-on-one.

22. I cheated twice in school (8th and 10th grades) and was caught both times.

23. I’m usually too embarrassed to say anything if I am served the wrong thing at a restaurant.

24. I like my bed to be a squishy cocoon of soft blankets. :-)

25. I still watch reruns of the Cosby Show.

All Grown Up… and Clueless

2009-03-10T16:14:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, adults were so cool. They had responsibility, authority and knew what they were doing. They had answers and knew how to make things happen. They reeked with confidence when they made phone-calls, paid bills, filled out forms and demanded service. Or so I thought…

I am now an adult, at least on paper, but I find myself totally devoid of that wisdom and confidence, I once assumed came with adulthood. My daily reality has become a practice in humility, realizing how much I don’t know. As I daily sort through the piles of immigration forms, vendor contracts, bank statements, loan repayments, tax papers, rental listings, insurance papers and medical bills, I can’t help but feel clueless and inadequate. What is this mountain of adult-sounding terms that I am supposed to somehow be acquainted with? Where did it come from?

My mother’s advice: “It is okay to ask questions if you don’t understand.” This is very good advice, if I had a clue what sort of questions would be helpful to ask:
“Excuse me, Mr. Help-line Man, who barely speaks English. Can you please explain to me why it takes 45-70 days to change my direct debit payment to another account, but only 1 day to slap me with a late fee?”

Does it get easier, or do we just get better at faking it?

Mistaken Identity

2009-03-04T08:36:00.000-08:00

For some reason people keep mistaking me for being younger than I really am. When I was a child, I wanted to look and feel older. I no longer have that need, but at the age of 23, after graduating from university and getting engaged, I find it more than a little annoying to be mistaken for some one who qualifies for the 12 and under discount.

It was annoying when I was asked my age at a PG-13 movie. (I was 17, holding car keys, and standing next to my 12 year old brother, but they asked me my age, not him.) It was annoying when my younger brother’s middle school teacher asked me if I would be joining his class soon. (My brother is 5 years younger than me, and I was in college at the time.) It was annoying last year when I was out for drinks with a couple friends, and the waiter wasn’t convinced my I.D. was real. It was annoying last month when I volunteered to help in the nursery at church and they didn’t put me on the list because they were waiting to find an adult volunteer to pair with me. I mean, come on people! I have been an adult for over 5 years now. And I haven't been 12 for well over eleven years!! You'd think that some one as boring and serious as me would be mistaken for older, not younger.

Some people suggest that it is my height, or lack of it, that leads to the confusion. But seriously, I am not that little (5 ft-3in). My friend, Akin, is shorter than I am and she isn’t mistaken for a pre-teen. A couple friends suggested that the problem is my lack of makeup. Others suggest the culprit is, as Akin loving calls it, my baby blonde hair. But I can think of plenty of bleached blonde bimbos that no one mistakes for children. Perhaps I am just missing the super-sized chest to go with the hair?

I have experienced years of these mistakes, and I still don’t understand. My family is just as perplexed as I am (only they also think it is hilarious and frequently find opportunities to tease me about it). My fiancé is totally freaked out by all of this. He just turned 30, and now fears he is some kind of perv for planning to marry what appears to be a 15 year old.

I guess I had better start wearing makeup and stilettos.

Adventures in Flowers and Candy

2009-02-28T20:11:00.000-08:00

Today my parents took me into San Francisco to explore the Wholesale Flower Market. There were whole buildings filled with the most vibrantly colored orchids, and an entire shop devoted to florists supplies (ribbon, vases, moss, etc...). It was so much fun to jump from shop to shop and see all the cut and planted flowers, shrubs, etc... Plus, the smells were pretty great. If you live near the city and haven't been, I'd recommend stopping by. (Entrance is free but parking in the lot is expensive, so be prepared.)

My father intended for us to eat lunch in China town, but after battling with traffic and circling for parking, he gave up and left the city. It was a little humorous to watch.

On the drive back up North, we stopped to experience the joys of the Jelly Belly. I had never been to the the Jelly Belly factory. Tours are free, and an added incentive is the free bag of Jelly Bellys you receive at the end. You are also able to try free samples of all the different flavors and candies. Even though most of the other people on the tour were parents with small children, and I was a 23 yr old child with her parents, it was fun. I got to hug a giant Jelly Belly- he was squishy (I like squishy as much as I like blue). Sometimes it is good to just have fun. With candy...

All in all it was a wonderfully colorful day!

Dresses...

2009-02-27T19:54:00.000-08:00

My sister and I decided just to have one bridesmaid in our weddings, each other. Rather than pay hundreds of dollars for a bridesmaid dress we'll never wear again, we decided to find fun dresses that would fit the day, as well as make a special contribution to our wardrobes. (We both love having an excuse to buy a new dress.) Since neither of us has decided on wedding colors, I haven't really looked.

But I got the new Anthropologie catalogue today (Have I mentioned that I LOVE Anthropologie?!) and saw a couple adorable options:

The-grand-holiday dress:

Coral Way dress:

I won't post all the pictures, but if you love this store like I do, go visit their site and view their new dresses. There are some cute ones.

All things blue and beautiful...

2009-02-26T22:09:00.000-08:00

More blue shoes...

2009-02-26T21:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realized I am obsessed, but I am posting a few more of my favorite blue shoe finds anyway:

These last two are my favorites. I can't even really explain why. A year ago, I probably would have hated them. Perhaps I like them because they are different, not your average pair of pumps. Or perhaps I just like them because I know I can never afford them. Whichever the case, they are fun to look at:

Something Blue

2009-02-26T20:58:00.000-08:00

I am far from fashion conscious (just ask my friends), and most of the time I am content to buy clothes from Walmart or Old Navy. However, there are a few fashion items that I get excited/obsessed over: dresses from Anthropologie, wool coats, red purses, and blue shoes. I can't explain the particular appeal, but these items always seem to catch my attention.

Being jobless is creating all sorts of opportunity for weekly obsessions. My current obsession is the idea of wearing blue shoes under my wedding dress. My dress is bright white and without a lot of adornment, so wearing blue shoes under just seems like fun.(Of course I already have white ones that match, but a girl can dream...) Plus, blue is by far my favorite color, and probably 60% of my wardrobe features blue in some shade or fashion.

So despite the fact that I don't need, nor can I afford new shoes for the wedding, I found myself spending all day searching on-line for none other than: blue shoes. Here are some options for me to drool- I mean, dream about:

Rings, rings and sparkly things...

2009-02-19T15:09:00.000-08:00

After weeks of having an empty ring finger, my engagement ring has finally come back to me! It made me so sad to leave Scotland without it- my hand just felt naked and it made me more aware of how far away Ross is.

I was so excited when the package arrived this afternoon that I couldn't wait to get back to the house before opening it. I sat down in the dirt, pried the box apart with my keys, and tried my rings on as I walked back to the house. Akin says I am a huge DORK, because I spent half the afternoon taking pictures of my rings, just to see how photogenic they are. :-)

My rings are absolutely perfect!! I can't stop admiring them and thinking how very sweet my man is to give me such a lovely sparkly reminder of his love.

I can't wait to be married!

Ibuprofen, Snow and the beauty of the Scotchmallow...

2009-02-13T12:03:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my monthly gift, I have been living off of Ibuprofen for the last few days. In my current situation, I can't tell you how glad I am that I invested in the mammoth Costco bottle of the stuff. After being in such severe pain the last few months, I am looking forward to my Gyno appointment. Hopefully I will be able to find a way to not be confined to bed for one week out of the month... here's hoping.

Despite my general sour mood, brought on by pain, the fight I had with the Boy yesterday, and hours of boredom, there are two things cheering me up. First, the recent snowfall. Second, the box of See's Scotchmallows that my grandmother sent me for Valentine's day.

Snow is always a beautiful sight. I love how it covers everything and changes a landscape. Even though the light peppering of snow we had this morning is melting, I am still enjoying its remnants and I am thanking God for it because we needed the water!

Scotchmallows are seriously delicious and I love the chewy texture. They consist of caramel and marshmallow covered in dark chocolately goodness. If you have never tried one, I recommend them. My grandmother sent me a big box and it was everything I could do not to eat it all last night (I managed to limit myself to 6...). They are just so tasty and it makes me feel very loved that she remembered that these were my favorites. I have such a sweet grandma!

Up In Flames

2009-02-09T23:47:00.000-08:00

I spent three hours today burning chicken guts in my yard…

Even I am speechless.

Slaughter Day

2009-02-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

My parents live on 10 acres of land, and a small petting zoo to boot. A skittish donkey, two attention loving dogs, three mischievous cats, five ornery goats, and a coop full of chickens. It is the later that created today’s adventures.

This past summer, in an effort to add to their current flock of hens, my father acquired a batch of chicks, but didn’t sex them. He ended up with several roosters, which are essentially a waste of feed. Our neighbors hate them because they crow constantly and they abuse the poor hens. Apparently a rooster's main goal in life is to be an annoyance to both man and beast alike. My father’s brilliant solution was to raise the roosters to full size, when we could eat them.

Killing the chickens is easy enough, but preparing them to be eaten is not. A chicken must be drained of it’s blood, plucked and properly gutted. As shocking as it may be, that packaged pink material doesn't magically appear in shrink wrap. Having grown up in suburbia, none of my family, had ever carried out this process. Thankfully, my sister bought a book to instruct us in the proper slaughtering techniques. (I apologize to my vegetarian friends, who will be horrified by this whole idea.)

After months of fattening and planning, today was slaughter day. Of course, I was assigned plucking duty, which is seriously the most thankless job. You never realize how many feathers a chicken has until you are asked to removed them all. Four hours and six chickens later, my hands were stiff and sore, and my whole body smelled like wet chicken… There are people who are professional pluckers, and let me just say, those people must have the strongest hands. A good chicken plucker can pluck a chicken clean in a matter of minutes. I think I averaged an hour, and was frequently tempted to simply remove limbs to avoid having to pluck it.(I mean, how much meat is on the wing anyway?)

I almost wish we had pictures of the ordeal. It was freezing cold outside, so we ended up moving inside halfway through. By the end of the day, the slaughtering area was a mess, our kitchen was full of feathers and chicken pieces, our clothes were smelly, and we were all exhausted. All this for a few lousy pieces of meat…

Slaughtering chickens is hard work!

Licorice Tasting

2009-02-07T12:21:00.000-08:00

There are many things I love about Placerville (Akin- don't roll your eyes). Sweetie-Pies and the Old Tyme Candy Store are just two.

On Saturday, my sister and I wandered into the Candy Store. She had never been inside, and I was craving something sweet. Secretly, I was hoping beyond hope to find something with chocolate and ginger.

In the back room, we discovered a whole wall of licorice, which I had never noticed before. They must have had at least 30 different flavors. Jackpot!! Much of their licorice is imported from Holland, Finland and England. I told my sister about how the Dutch like their licorice salty and finally we found a place that had salty licorice for her to try. (Be warned- the double-zout is very very salty. The lady sampling with us actually gagged and spit it out.)

I love licorice, not the sweetened licorice whips, but real black anise flavored licorice. (Just ask my grandmother, who is constantly filling her licorice bowl after I leave.)

We sampled so many different flavors that I left with a severe case of licorice-belly. But we walked away with several bags to enjoy at home...

It’s who you know…

2009-02-06T12:20:00.000-08:00

Good Friends are hard to find. I just wanted to take a few minutes to rave about a couple I am privileged to call good friends. From their brains to their heart, the Caldwells are just awesome. Here are some reasons I love them:

They get the Boy and his Britishness. (Too many Americans can't understand sarcasm.)
They have a crazy little cat child, who Nolan once tried to get drunk.
They are generous (opening their home to me whenever I pass through SF, and even picking me up from the airport).
A is faithfully available (always willing to listen patiently to my freak out sessions). She is straightforward and open about life. Marriage is hard and I value her insight and wisdom. (Ahh, the benefits of learning from others experiences…)
A is one of few people, with whom I can talk about sex or anything else without awkwardness.
They are just plain good company (hanging out with them is bound to lead to fun and lots of laughter). Plus, I can’t have a conversation with Nolan without learning something new.
I love how proud A is of her husband, and I definitely appreciate her example as a wife and friend.
A actually gets results with Wii Fit (and I am totally impressed with the abs!)

Of course, I could add more, but the bottom line is: I love these two. Thanks for being you, Caldwells!

Home Again

2009-02-04T01:14:00.000-08:00

I fly home tomorrow and while I have a huge list of wedding stuff to work out, I am dreading it just the same. Leaving is always the hardest and I am fighting back the inevitable tears. It feels so unfair to have to live so far away from the one you want to share your life with. However, I am holding onto the fact that this is the last time we will have to do this. June is only a little ways away. Then we will be married and we can be together until we are sick of each other.

At least I will be able to see Akin when I land. She is always a welcome sight and her futon is pretty comfy, especially if there are warm blankets. And then there is Milo, who is endlessly entertaining with his evil deeds.

Wedding Website

2009-01-25T10:57:00.000-08:00

During my free-time, I have created on a website for our wedding. With so many out-of-town guests, I needed way for people to access information without bombarding me with phone-calls. I am really proud of all my efforts.

Check it out:

www.RossandJennie.com

Off to Scotland

2009-01-05T07:07:00.000-08:00

After having a great holiday, which included spending Christmas Day in the ER, I am off to Scotland for a few weeks. It actually was a really lovely Christmas and I am even more excited that by next Christmas the Boy will be my husband!

I am so thankful that we were able to afford this trip to Scotland, because I am not ready to say goodbye yet. Even though we are getting married in June, being apart is still hard. In fact, I find the long distance is getting harder to bear. I plan on taking advantage of these next few weeks together, because we will have to endure five more month apart before the wedding.

The Boy is Coming!!!

2008-12-15T10:04:00.000-08:00

The Boy is coming to spend the holidays with me and my family. I miss him like crazy and I can't wait for him to be here!!!

"While You're Under My Roof..."

2008-12-14T16:01:00.000-08:00

I am blessed to have supportive, loving, involved parents. Their generosity astounds me, especially during this current phase of my life. However, after more than five years of independence, I find myself in that most frustrating place- back living with my folks.

Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my parents and most of the time, I enjoy their company. But the last week or so, the honeymoon phase has definitely worn off. I find myself bickering with them over the silliest little things. Now I can see that really I am not upset with them at all; we just have different lifestyles and I have grown used to being on my own. None of my roommates cared if I stayed in my room all day, or ate dessert for lunch. They never asked me for a weekly schedule or got upset if I turned them down for dinner, so I could be alone.

It occurs to me that the biggest problem for us right now is the parent child relationship. I see myself as a guest in this house. I can take care of myself, and I don't expect them to cook for me, or set aside their schedule to accomodate my desire to do something. Instead of asking them to change things, I just figured I would be flexible and fit into their current lifestyle. But they see me as their child, which means their world revolves around me. They are constantly trying to find things to do with me to entertain me or make me happy. They constantly ask about my schedule to try and find time to fit these special adventures into my schedule, and they get frustrated when I answer truthfully with "I don't know." The constant questioning drives me nuts. I get frustrated when they keep buying more food than three people can possibly consume, and expect me to eat it all.

It isn't that I am unaware or ungrateful for all that my parents have offered me in this arrangement- At 23, I am totally dependant on my parents. I have no car, no income, school loans to pay off, and fighting off anemia, which has me feeling pretty fatigued most days. Add to this the moodiness that comes with PMS and missing the Boy, and I am not exactly a winning roommate. My parents let me live here rent free. They feed me, pay for my cell phone, let me use the car (don't worry, I do pay for my own gas), and often entertain me for free.

Basically, I need to just let my parents be parents, and stop expecting them to act like roommates. And I am not exactly sure why I didn't understand this to begin with.

Sick and Disappointed....

2008-12-08T10:32:00.000-08:00

I've been moody all weekend and I know it is because of the Boy. He hasn't been feeling well- either he has acid reflux or the early stages of an ulcer. During our last phone date, which was cut short because he was tired, the Boy said that due to feeling poorly he doesn't think he will come for Christmas.

My emotional reaction is totally selfish. I do care that he isn't feeling well, but spending Christmas with him is all I've had to look forward for months. There aren't words to explain how disappointed I am.

Since we are planning to get married in June, this was the one opportunity for my family to spend time with him and get to know him. Everyone is looking forward to him coming- both sets of grandparents even changed their schedules so that they could be here during his visit. We have tons of wedding stuff to work out, vendor appointments and pictures planned.

I can't think about it anymore or I might cry. I am just praying that he starts to heal, for both our sakes. There is still a week left. A lot can change in a week... right?

The Disconnect

2008-12-05T17:09:00.000-08:00

I've reached the low point again in my relationship- that point a few months after being apart where you start to feel disconnected and distant, and you start to question your relationship. We are both busy, him with work, me with preparing for the holidays. Busyness always means less time communicating, which can spell death for any long distance relationship.

There are so many decisions we have to make, so many details we need to discuss, and it is killing me that we can't just sit down and sort it all out. My sister gets to do all sorts of fun things with her man, and I miss having that with the Boy. What I wouldn't give to be able to finally share our lives together...

Long distance is just plain hard (as if any relationship needed more barriers). Despite all the phone calls and e-mails, it is incredibly hard to feel emotionally connected to someone who lives on the other side of the world... no matter how much you want to be with him. I've been with the Boy for almost two years now- most of that time was spent in different countries- and I know from experience that missing some one can make you a little crazy.

Thankfully, I also know that this low point is just phase- one we've been through many times. I'll feel lost and confused for a little bit until I am reminded of how absolutely worth it this relationship is. At the end of the day, no matter the frustration, distance or effort, there is no one else I would rather spend my life with. I am blessed.

Among Rocks and Thorns

2008-12-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

“Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow. And it happened, as he sowed, that some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds of the air came and devoured it. Some fell on stony ground, where it did not have much earth; and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up it was scorched, and because it had no root it withered away. And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop. But other seed fell on good ground and yielded a crop that sprang up, increased and produced: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred.” And He said to them, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”

-Mark 4:3-9

Since coming home, I am realizing more and more just how many of my friends have traded the truth of Christ for the lies of this world. Recently I visited a couple friends' churches, and both of my friends were so excited to take me to church with them. I was so discouraged after both of those services and it was easy to see how the lack of sound teaching had affected my friends' lives.

At one church, I was told there was no need to bring Bibles to service because the pastor gives topical sermons. (Since when did giving a topical sermon mean no biblical content?) My other friends' church was lively and upbeat. The atmosphere was very inviting and pretty much everyone in attendance was younger than 40. But when the sermon got started, something put me on guard. The sermon was taken from a passage of scripture in Matt. As the pastor expounded on the passage, I waited patiently for something... There was lots of Christian tag words, but only twice in his message did the pastor mention Jesus, and never did he explain who Jesus is or why we follow Him. He never even mentioned Jesus' death and resurrection!

These experiences made me question: How is it that my friends, who profess to believe in Christ, could end up in such empty churches? Then I realized it is easy, if you have grown up in church, to fill in the blanks yourself. If you aren't paying attention, you don't always notice that these things are missing, and slowly as you receive more and more empty teaching, these important truths become less significant to you. Have my friends, who seemed so on fire for God, become like the seed in the rocks and among thorns?

The state of the church saddens me. Christians are being led astray by charismatic leaders and false teachings. Social action has become more important than the Gospel, creativity more valued than truth, and the very meaning of love has been twisted. Churches are more concerned with being culturally relevant than being theologically or biblically sound. Rather than being a salt and light, christians are encouraged to blend into society, under the guise of tolerance. Instead of reading the Word of God, we read bestselling authors that appeal to our postmodern ideals. We keep the verses that make us feel good, and ignore or discount the ones that make us uncomfortable.

Real worship takes a back seat as churches promote social activities and charity. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with serving. In fact, the Bible makes it clear that we ought to be serving others. My problem is that instead of teaching people following Christ, churches are teaching people to be nice. We are quickly losing focus when we decide that Christianity is about 'doing the right thing', 'being fair', 'loving others'.

Christianity must be, first and foremost, about Christ. There is no good news without the Messiah, and there is no need for a messiah without the recognition of sin. Our culture may have changed, but the Gospel has not. The Bible is clear: Christ did not die to teach us how to be better people. Christ died to pay the price for our sins, and His resurrection shows that He has overcome death. In Christ we are free from sin, new creations. And yes, part of being a new creation means our lives will look different.

"Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He was seen by Cephas, then by the twelve."

- 1Cor. 15:1-5

How important it is to be rooted in the Word of God, and filled with the Holy Spirit! Grant your people discernment, Lord.

Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone...

2008-11-30T14:02:00.000-08:00

I know I complain way too much about missing the Boy, so I will try to keep this short.

One of the great things about being home is spending time with my sister, and her fiance. I see my sister's fiance all the time (Thank goodness I get along with him really well). It is so nice to see them together and to see how much they care for one another. I love seeing my sister so happy! But it is also a bit bittersweet for me.

Seeing them together, I can't help but miss the Boy. Long distance is hard. We miss out on all the everyday things; sharing meals, watching movies, going out on dates. Knowing that he is sick and in pain right now, while I am here completely useless, seems so unfair. I wish I could be there to take care of him. Especially as we look forward to marriage, it is difficult to be satisfied with a phonecall every once in a while. I want to be with him, to see him everyday, to share a life together. This stage of being apart may be coming to an end, but some days it feels like an eternity away.

I am so glad he is coming to spend Christmas with me! Only 17 more days!!

A man and his bed...

2008-11-19T18:35:00.000-08:00

My fiance is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met and he has the PhD to prove it. I totally respect him, but every once in a while he reminds me that he is after all, just a man. The most recent of these moments is as follows:

On one of our phone dates, we were talking more seriously about our future life together, specifically our future home. I suggested we look at furniture when I visit in Jan. The Boy explained that we wouldn't need to because many apartments in Scotland come furnished, and, if we decided on one that wasn't, he is planning on taking the furniture in his room.

Me: So you want to keep all of your old furniture
Him: Yes.
Me: Okay, well what about a bed?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Even if the place comes with furniture, don't you think we should get our own bed?
Him: I already have a bed.
Me: Yeah, yeah.
Him: What? I've slept in my bed for years, it is a good bed.
Me: Yes, but you've slept in it alone. Where am I going to sleep?
Him: What do you mean? You'll sleep with me!
Me: Babe, you have a twin bed! Don't you think it would be good to get a bed that's bigger, for two people?

(I went on to explain that we were going to purchase a mattress that was big enough for us to both sleep on our backs at the same time- I am not about to spend the rest of my life trying to sleep in a crevice between the mattress and the wall.)

He seriously cracks me up. Life would be so dull without him.

Keep Your Eye on the Treadmill

2008-11-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

Without a job, there is very little for me to do. For the first time in my life I have no obligations or responsibilities (though I could help out around the house more). Everyday I find myself searching for little projects to consume my time. Usually these projects consist of rearranging my room in some way, unfolding and refolding all my clothes, or cleaning out all the old products from under the bathroom sinks. Most recently I have given myself three projects- creating new Christmas stockings for myself and the Boy, cleaning the melted wax out of the 100 used candle holders my parent's bought for my sister's wedding, and revamping some of my old clothes.

While these projects are fun, they don't require that I leave the house. Staying at home all day leaves me feeling lazy. Since the Boy is 8 hours ahead, I often end up staying up until 2 or 3am to call him as he is starting his day. So in addition to feeling lazy, my sleep schedule is all messed up. Where I used to wake up at 6:30 am every day, I now wake up at 10am. Waking up so late just makes me feel even lazier. And feeling lazy inevitably makes me feel fat.

Today, I decided that I needed to get back onto a normal sleep schedule and to be more active. My father needed to leave the house early for a meeting, so I decided to take the opportunity to use the treadmill in my parent's room. I woke up early (7:30am, a normal time), and decided to jog to wake myself up. After dragging my weary self out of bed, I stretched and climbed on the treadmill. I started out with a brisk walk to warm up, then I punched up the speed and settled into a jog. The machine beeps to show your heart rate, and I found the beeping and whirring sounds quite soothing. As I settled into the pace, I must have relaxed a bit too much. I recall closing my eyes at one point, and the next thing I remember, I was on the floor.

Apparently you can fall asleep jogging, but you can't keep up the pace.

WARNING:
Do not close your eyes while treadmill is in use, especially when sleepy.

By the way, I ended up going back to bed, only this time with a fatty bruise on my hip. Maybe my sleep schedule isn't that bad...

Testing... 1...2...50?

2008-11-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I applied for a secretarial position. After they reviewed my application, I was invited to take a 2 hour test. Yes! (Apparently they screen very carefully for positions that requires high school diplomas, the ability to answer phones, and sort mail.) I can't imagine that I'll be offered the position, but I set up the appointment. I have nothing better to do. If nothing else I get the experience.

I assumed they would only bother testing a small number of candidates, but when I arrived, I was informed the testing needed to move rooms to accommodate all the testers. There were at least 10 women in my testing group, and there were 4 or 5 other testing groups! The proctor explained that testing was the first phase of eliminating candidates. They planned to interview all those with scores over 70%, and then go through a second interview process to pick their candidate. I was shocked that they would go through all this rigmarole- testing 50 candidates, interviewing, then interviewing again - it doesn't seem very efficient.

Being shocked probably just reveals more of my inexperience. I have to admit, applying for jobs has definitely shown me how naive I am about the world. The good news is, after this experience, I have gained a lot more insight into the hiring process.

Welcome to the real world!

Travel Plans

2008-11-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

Now that the Boy is officially employed, we have begun negotiations to find a workable wedding date. In my experience planning a wedding is like practicing for diplomacy. There are so many things to consider: finances, traditions, his family, my family, his wishes, expectations, other people's weddings, etc... Instead of thinking of it as an obligation, I have decided to look at it as a problem-solving challenge. And I am determined to make it all work.

(Don't hold your breath.)

Much to my delight, the Boy suggested I fly back to Scotland with him in January. Now that I have booked my tickets (for not cheap but less than I was expecting), I can't wait. It will be great to have him here with my family for three weeks, but now I get to spend four more weeks with him! (Thank you, Elizabeth, for letting me invade your home once again- I can only hope that the improvement in your son's attitude while I am there is compensation enough.)

I will get to be with the Boy, even though he will have some work- I love that I'll be able to feed him and take care of him. Perhaps that sounds a little goofy, but I don't get to do those things for him very often, and I love it. My trip also means I will be able to spend time with his friends and family, which is especially handy now that we'll be living there.

Plus, we might be able to go apartment hunting! (Yes, I am way too excited about this possibility). I can't even explain how nice it would be to know what my future home will look like ahead of time.

News!

2008-11-13T14:44:00.000-08:00

Praise the Lord! Finally, the wait is over! After months of waiting and uncertainty, the Boy has snagged an awesome job at a university in Glasgow. I am so proud of him, and so thankful that he is going to be able to keep doing what he loves. This job is perfect on so many levels:

1. The Pay- it is great! (We won't be scrapping for pennies, and we should be able to come visit the US every once in a while)

2. The Location- it means we can live in a city we are both familiar with, close to his family and friends. We can keep attending his church, and we can probably live without a car for a while.

3. The Job- it is a great position, that happens to be exactly what he wants to be doing. The Boy is thrilled about it, which is what matters most to me, and I can already tell they value him way more than where he is currently. Plus, he already knows some of the other faculty there, so he doesn't feel like the odd-man out.

4. The Timing- ask me more about this, but it is just so clearly an answer to prayer.

5. It means we can finally set a date to be married!!

There is, of course, one sad side to this. It means that we will officially be living in Scotland after we're married (something my family is a little disappointed to hear). I know it will be an adjustment, but the Lord will continue to provide. Plus, I love that I finally know our future location.

I am really excited at the thought of starting our life together. This last part is totally true, despite my response to the announcement. In my defense, I was sleeping when the Boy called, and I think, I thought I was dreaming or something. My brain couldn't comprehend the good news. It was only after the call, when I shared the news with others that the awesomeness of it hit me.

Emotional break downs

2008-11-06T13:50:00.000-08:00

Lately things have been getting to me. This place of nothingness and waiting has turned me into an emotional wreck. It seems like I end up in tears at the drop of a hat. Most recently, I have been feeling like a burden (without a job all I do is take up space and demand attention). In my head, I know I will see the Boy in December, which is not too far off, but being apart is absolutely miserable. I have nothing to do all day, but think about him and miss him.

Maybe I am just hormonal, but I would certainly welcome my sanity back with open arms. The melodrama is getting a bit old.

I am so thankful the Boy is so understanding and patient, because I am sure I am not all that pleasant to talk to these days. No matter how down or pathetic I get, he listens and keeps reminding me to trust the Lord. He is really very sweet:

"You're not a lot of trouble. And even if you were, I wouldn't
care one hoot - and I would still be insanely in love with you."

If nothing else, my experience with this emotional drama, has made it clear exactly the sort of man I am going to marry- sweet, loving, patient, encouraging, the list goes on. I am very blessed to have found him, and I fully intend on keeping him. :-)

Bears and the inconvenience of hibernation...

2008-11-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

The Boy has acquired some odd fascination with bears. He is coming to CA for the Holidays and, when I asked what he'd like to do, he insisted that he wants to see a live bear in the wild. I curse whoever put this idea in his head because I fear I'll never hear the end of it until I feed him to a bear. When I explained that bears hibernate in winter, he felt that was pretty inconvenient and suggested I simply wake them up. Alright, babe. I'll get right on that.

Now, I'm sure he just brings it up to annoy me. He finds it humorous to antagonize me and then he claims he is doing it out of love, to stimulate my mind (that is seriously a direct quote). Smart men are a pain in the rear. However, it is easy enough to ruin his little games if I simply agree with him or respond with questions:

The Boy- "Are we going to see a bear?"

Me- "What kind of bear do you want to see?"

This requires him to think to play along, and in the end he usually gets bored and changes the subject for me. He cracks me up.

I will end with Akin's assessment of the above:

A: Like a little kid- if you don't laugh at their fart jokes,

they get bored and decide to flush stuff down the toilet
instead.

Wedding Ideas

2008-10-25T17:26:00.000-07:00

The idea of wedding planning does not make me giddy like most girls. When I think of wedding, I think lots of stress, lots of money, and lots of fuss. Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon about getting married, but the process of getting there may cause me to rip my hair out.

Thankfully I have a good friend who loves this kind of thing to get me through it. She has shown me that wedding planning can be enjoyable. Akin, I love you more each day!

Here are a couple things I like so far:

(This post was imported from another site and post-dated.)

Congrats Jess and Mark!!

2008-10-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

Yay! My big sister got engaged last weekend, just after her birthday. I am so happy for her!

When I returned from DR, the difference in her was obvious. It is such a beautiful thing to see her happy, and she is happier than I have seen her in years. Her fiance is a great guy. The whole family loves him, and I love how supportive he is towards my sister. Plus, he is handy- my grandmother's biggest requirement, and a matter which she has questions about in regards to my choice of husband. I also love that he gives her a hard time every once is a while- some one has to! (Jess likes to joke that Mark and I are so similar, she feels like she is marrying her sister- I totally approve.)

It is sweet that I get to share the whole engagement period with her and that we both get to share the stress of wedding planning at the same time. I can't wait to give my toast at her wedding- I've been collecting material for years. hehe...

Summary of My Life

2008-09-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

Since I've been all over from Scotland to Israel, I thought I would highlight the things people keep asking me about:

1. Engaged- My boyfriend of a year and half, asked me to marry him in July! We are hoping to get married within the year, but we are both unemployed and penniless. As soon as one of us finds a job, we will know which country we'll live in, and begin wedding planning.

2. Unemployed- I am currently jobless. I graduated from college in June '07, spent a year abroad, and now I am finally back in CA, searching for employment. I am also seriously considering going back to school to get a Master's, but that will have to wait until after I'm married and settled. Who knows where I will end up.

3. Living back with the folks- for the time being my parents are generous enough to let me live with them. It is good to be home and to spend time with my family, who I didn't see all year.

4. My days- are spent searching for jobs and filling out applications, e-mailing friends, and missing the Boy.

5. Waiting- There are lots of unanswered questions in life at the moment. I promise to fill you in as the answers become clearer.

It certainly is a journey.

Sparkly things!

2008-08-30T16:59:00.000-07:00

The man in my life- The Boy. (I started referring to him as the Boy around the time I started liking him, and it stuck.) I am totally in love with the most amazing Scottish man. The long distance is killer, but after 18 months, we are still going strong.

On my way home from Israel, I stopped off in Scotland for a while, to visit the Boy, who I hadn't seen all year! I loved being there, relaxing, spending time together, meeting his family and friends.

The weather was amazing in Scotland the first weeks I was there- sunny and warm. One Saturday, he took me out to Stirlingshire to go hill-walking in one of his favorite places. We walked up this hill and stopped half-way up, where we had this beautiful view of the town below and the surrounding valley. Everything in this country is the most spectacular color of green, and there were lots of wild flowers (and pesky bugs). As we sat there enjoying the view and talking, the Boy asked me to marry him. For some reason, I then responded with what I felt was a reasonable question, "Are you really asking?" After he repeated the question, I said yes! He then pulled out a very pretty ring and put it on my finger. After all this, he looked at me and with a very concerned look said, "You're not smiling." What can I say? Sometimes I don't smile. Maybe I was distracted by the sparkly jewelry. :) This is all to say that I am engaged!!! Finally!!

Why Blog?

2008-08-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my Blog!

After several failed blogging experiences, I am making one last fetal attempt at blog life. Should I manage to maintain the discipline of keeping it updated, I think this blog could help family and friends keep in touch with my life. (If I am honest, I would own that Akin is the only person who will probably read this.)